Shhh! Librarian-in-Training!

In Brief

2009-06-05T15:38:00.000-07:00

Lately, I feel like my entire life can be summed up in a series of 140-character updates.

I might have reached the end of my blogging days. Long form posts just don't seem to manifest themselves like they used to, mostly because I have nothing to say that would interest anyone.

And after five years I think that's okay. I'll live my virtual life on Facebook for now - maybe someday I will return to blogging.

But I'm so not giving up my URL.

Happy Days are Here Again?

2009-05-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

Or, for now, let's say better days. Because really, when it rains it snows in my world.

Not only did my other half get a job this weekend, he got two.

Yes. Two. After a year and a half, all of a sudden everything is falling in his lap. Why couldn't this have happened long ago? Not that I'm questioning it, because it came right when we were at the end of the proverbial rope, that being our savings account.

So, it's back to being a weekend widow, which is the worst part of being married to someone who works in retail. But better than having to find somewhere to live that was within our current budget, as Los Angeles is lacking in the $1200 houses with yards for a large dog. Not a cheap town, this one. But one that has finally given us a break.

One of those jobs is as a violin instructor.

Things might be okay after all.

Is No News Good News?

2009-04-03T08:02:00.000-07:00

Or is it just that I'm a total bore?

Mostly the latter, I believe. I spend my days immersed in World War II, about which I'm getting pretty smart and I now know how to avoid STDs and not to get into fights during shore leave.

I've spent a significant amount of time looking at wartime posters, obviously.

And actually, the whole process has reminded me that I do miss production. It's just that I should have been working on the front end of the process and not the back end. It is a possibility that I could really end up doing research for a living someday. If there's ever a market for it again.

Also: I obtained two library cards this week. Although, it was kind of fun to say I was a librarian without one. (I don't read often, either). Anyway, comparing my local library to LA city was interesting. In short: staff in Pasadena are totally disinterested, and I wanted to hug the librarian downtown.

The city library is also way smellier.

This is why I'm not a public librarian.

That? Might be the entire past month in a nutshell. Which also included a number of cupcakes and these. Tiny pieces of crack, those cupcake bites.

Oh! I've been cataloging other peoples' books for booze. I'm pretty sure every librarian should own his or her own scanner. Seriously. I even have my own copy of the abridged Dewey now.

Am total dork, yes.

And that's all. Time keeps ticking on and we're keeping up with it. Most days that's what matters.

Another Day Older

2009-02-27T15:39:00.000-08:00

Strange days. It seems like everyone is getting smacked around by life. Since I've been getting my ass kicked for months everything is the same in my corner of the world, but it makes me feel bad for others.

I still want off this crazy ride for awhile. The certain uncertainty of everything is really starting to wear on me and I would just like to go away from it and pretend it doesn't exist for a minute. I'm actually kind of jealous of people who have been laid off, because at least they get to stay home in their pajamas. And then I remember that if I'm wearing my pajamas all day I will have no home to be staying in.

But! Our new brilliant idea involves all of the scrap wood in our garage and our big plan to build a shed in the bed of our pickup. When we are broke and living on my unemployment we will build ourselves a wooden camper shell. We are going to convert the trunk of the car into a kitchen area where we will make bathtub gin, which we can take around and sell. This may or may not involve Twitter - it depends on if I can bring myself to use it. We have an AC/DC adapter for the truck, so we'll have electricity and can cook and use our laptops...to blog about our life in the back of our truck. And then someone will be so interested in our story they will give us a book deal (or, I just thought, a reality TV show!)et voila! Off the street.

I live a very elaborate imaginary life, if you haven't noticed.

And an alternate plan surfaced for all of that wood should we not need to live in it...haunted shack!

Really. It's very elaborate, my imagination.

In the meantime, I'm keeping on keeping on and trying to figure out how I'm going to endure the industry awards show next week when everyone is going to grill each other about who's working and who isn't. I'm pretty sure the answer to that involves copious amounts of hard liquor. Preferably gin.

It's good that my boss is aware that I have a drinking problem, inasmuch as I really like to drink. Except that I only drink one day a week now, so I'm a total lightweight.

I'd better re-think that plan.

Hello, It's Me

2009-02-20T14:46:00.000-08:00

Back again, stymied by Dewey.

Now I know why I didn't want to be a cataloger.

But! Tonight! The Edison. For Soup Kitchen night.

Blog Share Post

2009-02-17T16:31:00.000-08:00

Today's post is part of Blog Share, written by an anonymous blogger. Somewhere out there is an anonymous post by me. Links to all participant blogs are listed in the post below.

Every time I get around to the time of Blogshare, I think, what thrilling, hilarious thing can I share with the people that I would never have the guts to share on my blog?

Something about work, maybe, without fear of being dooced?

For example, while I have a secretary at work, all the work I do for one of my supervisors gets done through another secretary. Let us call her Joan. And Joan loves to talk (about her child and Pomeranian – mostly), and she loves to check her facebook account, but she does not love to do work. Any work. And when I ask her to do something, she usually responds adamantly, "I do not know how to do it!" [meaning, oh my goodness, I have so much other facebooking to do!] "You will have to contact XYZ and tell her to do ____." And thus she knows exactly what needs to be done, but cannot take the time out of her schedule to do it, even though it is basically her job.

She also yelled at me one day because unlike most of the other individuals at my office, I will type up a fair portion of my own work instead of dictating it. You would think that this would be easier for her, getting a typed letter and copying and pasting it into the letterhead – but you would be mistaken. Apparently some things are very confusing.

Also there was that time she showed me pictures of herself squeezed into the ittybitty-est tight black dress while she stalked the band Collective Soul. Not kidding.

So certainly while I would love to kick Joan, I can't dedicate a whole blog post to that. Then I think, I know, I could talk about my future inlaws and oh how I would love for them to disappear off the face of the earth. And I would not miss them.

1. The fiancé's ("Jim") biological father abandoned him when he was an infant. He has never met him and has no interest. I, on the other hand, am interested. I cannot help it. It isn't really my business, but I cannot fathom how Jim is not curious.

2. Jim was adopted by his stepfather. His stepfather and mother had a tumultuous relationship, having their own daughter who is three years younger than Jim. The parents actively did drugs (mostly marijuana) with their children from the time Jim was 14. Jim's father may have had a bit of a complex, but always told Jim he would never amount to him. On more than one occasion, his father would hit him. Once, after a few drinks when Jim was in his later teens, his father started to beat on him, and Jim wrestled him to the ground in order to get it to stop. He didn't hit back, but held him down. Afterwards, his grandmother (his stepfather's mother) explained to Jim how he was now a "man."

They have recently, somewhat patched up their relationship, after his parents' divorce. His father is older now, has another young son, and seems to treat that child much, much better than he ever treated Jim.

3. Jim's parents were divorced when Jim turned 18 because his father was cheating on his mother. His mother has always been a bit towards the side of "unhinged." But apparently the divorce was the straw that broke the camel's back, because Jim's mother threw out all of Jim's childhood belongings, including pictures, his extensive comic book collection, baseball cards, anything he valued. She then proceeded to actively use cocaine and other heavier drugs. Jim stopped talking to his mother because after a break in talking to each other, his mother called him around Christmas and asked him to come over for the holiday because she had been diagnosed with cancer and likely didn't have much time. In fact, she did not have cancer. But she did do enough cocaine in the bathroom to kill a small horse, before calling the police on her son. The police saw the situation and graciously drove Jim home.

I have never met Jim's mother. Jim will probably invite her to the wedding in the fall (even though they haven't spoken in over four years.) I fear, selfishly that she will come, and that she will make a scene.

Adding insult to injury, when Jim's maternal grandfather passed away, Jim was the only one actively taking care of him. He was the only person in his grandfather's will. Or he was the only person in the will, until his mother went into the hospital with her attorney the week before his senile grandfather (he died of cancer and was on more than a few painkillers) passed away and had the will changed. His mother inherited a large amount of money. Jim waived all rights to any money and chose not to contest the new will because he wanted to wash his hands of his family and the drama caused by the combination of lots of money plus selfish, desperate people.

4. Jim's sister is 25 years old. She has a three year old son. Between the ages of 17 and 20 she overdosed on various drugs four times. She is living in her grandmother's house, collects welfare, borrowed a ton of student loans before dropping out, and yet has the nerve to ask Jim for things like thousand dollar stereo sets. Jim has given her iPods, new clothes, a digital camera, new cell phones, and all of these things have been sold to pay for drugs.

It makes me a bad person, but I actively hope that the state will take her child away from her. Jim is certain that his father would step in to raise the child. I have even told Jim, that in the event that such a thing happens, and even though I would prefer not to, that we could take in the baby. The kid is three years old and has seen more drama in his short life than anyone should.

And Jim? Mostly he handles it all so well. I try to be supportive of all his choices, even when he chooses to send another gift to his sister. Or when he tries to make contact with his mother again. I keep feeling like, this should not be this way. I shouldn't be jealous when someone voices their frustrations over having the holidays at their "crazy mother in law's" home. And yet there it is. I wish so much that Jim had something a little bit more "normal" to have grown around, but I love who he is, and so I end up torn and more than a little sad.

Blog Share Participants

2009-02-17T16:10:00.000-08:00

Here is the official list of participants for this Blog Share:

And You Know What Else
Andrea Unplugged
Blue Soup
Bright Yellow World
Bwildered
Caity of the Keps
Catheroominations
Citystreams
Daily Tannenbaum
Did I Say That Outloud?
Dispatches From The Failed Mommy Club
Face Down
For The Long Run
Full Of Snark
Heidikins
In Java, Literally
Just Below 63
LizLand
Malfeasance
A New Duck
NonSoccer Mom
The North Is My Snowcone
Not The Daddy
Operation Pink Herring
Pants, Pants, Pants
Red Red Whine
Sassy Buster
Sauntering Soul
Shushing Action
Snarke
Snow-Covered Hills
Swimming With Sharks
Thinking Some More
Trueish Story
Way Way Up
Whiskey Marie

Coming Soon! A Post!

2009-02-13T08:57:00.000-08:00

One not by me. Thank JESUS.

Blog Share next week.

Maybe I'll have something to say before then.

Winning the Battle but Losing the War?

2009-01-16T13:35:00.001-08:00

I'm pretty sure that sums up everything. Happy new year!

Actually, while things are stranger than usual and I've suddenly become averse to eating whatever I take out for dinner, life is pretty okay these days. Of course, it doesn't hurt that it's 80 degrees and sunny in Southern California - it goes a long way to helping one's mood during January.

Work is very quiet, and more people disappear every week. The other day the boss didn't see anyone when he came in the back door and was afraid the rapture had taken place. That's how few people are left, but it's the same all over in our industry and no one is horribly concerned. Yet.

I keep picking up contracting work that fills in our income gap nicely and while I fear that I might have a house husband for the rest of our days together, we aren't on the brink of having to move right now and that relieves a lot of stress. And our retirement fund is still intact. Sometimes I curse my computer when I'm sitting in front of it on Sunday afternoon and we're moving office furniture all day tomorrow, but money is money.

Don't ask me how we've made it a year with only one steady income, because I have no idea. Someday I'd like to have two incomes that come from two people, though.

My angst these days stems from the fact that I wonder if this is it. Will we still be renting a house in 20 years, working the same types of jobs, never doing the "big things" we've always dreamed of doing?

I know. You'd think it would be enough that I have a job(s), a house, and can choose between sausage or a bowl of corn flakes for dinner. Because plenty of people don't have any of that right now.

And I'm sitting here considering trying to buy one of their houses.

Am asshole. Yes.

And it's back to fighting the good fight for WWII footage.

Closing Time

2008-12-30T12:36:00.000-08:00

#5. I'm spending five days in Vegas next week...

...this quickly morphed into a week and half when I wasn't looking. Not that I'm complaining, but I'm suspicious that my husband is trying to get rid of me. So here I am working my little fingers to the bone so I can maybe have some fun before the week runs out.

I will be having a late dinner on the Strip tomorrow night - outside, on the patio of Mon Ami Gabi. Which, if you're unfamiliar, is directly on Las Vegas Blvd. - fortunately it's slightly elevated so the drunks won't be spilling on my steak frites. And yes, I will have a blanket with me because DUDE - Vegas is cold. I was firmly instructed yesterday that once I made my reservation for the patio I could not change it for inside. But suffering through the cold will be worth it for the fireworks at midnight...although we may not get back home for a few hours because oh yeah - the Strip is closed and that means there's only one way out of the parking garage.

But it's Vegas, baby - slot machines and free drinks make a little wait alright. And it seems a fitting ending to a pretty out of control year to spend time in the city of the biggest excesses.

Maybe next year I'll spend it on a warm island.

Seven Things

2008-12-20T18:35:00.001-08:00

#1. Facebook is like a weird random reunion of your entire life. And everyone has kids.

#2. I really need to decorate my house - I'm hosting Christmas Eve and my tree is tied up in the corner. The decorations are in the corner in a heap and the dog is suspicious of the lights.

#3. I sure got a lot of hooch for Christmas. My husband says it's because people like me when I drink. That makes me think that people ONLY like me when I'm drinking. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

#4. I thought I might not have to work during my vacation from my day job...ha! I have to put together a presentation for a side project by January 5th. But it pays.

#5. I'm spending five days in Vegas next week. That makes having to work a little better. I hope it doesn't snow.

#6. I have a holiday spare tire that might be getting more difficult to conceal. But I get to eat for two more weeks before I think about that.

#7. Things might actually be coming together at the close of one hell of a year. We've limped along this far and we just might be out of the woods.

I have probably jinxed that now.

So back to finishing up my second job, and wondering how everyone ended up with so many children while I wasn't looking.

Pluses and Minuses

2008-12-11T08:35:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am alive. I spend a lot of my time thinking instead of writing these days.

One of the biggest pluses of having longevity with an organization is the confidence that people have in you. Having been with my company for six years, I can do most anything outside of actual design. And if I sat down long enough I probably could learn to draw.

Not really.

I spent a good deal of time in the last year working to get out of being a generalist, so that I could focus on the information side of our business. I've been able to put some things in motion and get stuff organized.

And we all know what's coming...the minus.

I will be back to functioning as a generalist in January because we have to lay off most of our contractors. For the first time, I'm REALLY upset. I've been through a lot of lay offs in every company I've worked for, and have closed more than one office. I'm a pretty pragmatic person, and just accept things for what they are and move on. I've always made it through as the generalist, and have said good-bye to a lot of great people. This time is no different, except that I don't want to be that person anymore. And I'm safe because of that fact - I know my company better than almost everyone and can step in to any role. Except that's the LAST thing I want to do.

But I have to keep my job. Now more than ever.

The biggest minus is that I know who's going. I hate knowing that, and knowing that some of it could have been prevented, but now that's neither here nor there. So I have to sit here and pretend that everything is okay, that I'm clueless, while people file out at the end of next week for what could be the last time.

And on the 5th of January, I'll come back to an empty office and figure out how to move forward when all I want to do is curl into a ball. I just hope January doesn't bring a move in my personal life, because I honestly don't know how much I have left.

Who needs a retirement fund anyway?

Orlando by the Numbers

2008-11-24T16:06:00.000-08:00

5,000: miles traveled round-trip
20: approximate miles walked
8: theme parks visited
5: days spent at those parks
4: most parks visited in one day
2: rides the boss fell asleep on
1: exotic animal held (Harry the sloth)
2: days spent on the show floor
9: number of pounds my luggage gained in a week
6: industry parties
200: approximate hands shaken
2: people who will remember my name
3: average alcoholic drinks per day
1: raging hangover - on the four-park day
12: hours spent working my other job
1: library connection made

And a once-in-a-lifetime trip. The opportunity to go behind the scenes at four parks, visit theme parks designed by the guys with and for whom I work, meet all of the bigwigs in the themed entertainment industry, and meet someone who works with the state library system, including Infopeople - the training arm of the California state library - all while getting paid to visit the carnie convention.

Sometimes I wonder why I want to leave the industry. Then I see those four letters after my name.

And I remember.

8 and 13

2008-11-04T09:47:00.000-08:00

Today is anniversary #8! And the beginning of our 14th year together. Really, I find it hard to believe that many years have gone by without us noticing. And this past year has been particularly uneven - the highest of highs have been tempered with some really crappy stuff. So I'm bidding an unceremonious F-U to this year of marriage, and holding out high hopes for year nine.

This anniversary also means we have been through both the four-year and seven-year itches. I figure at this point we're just too lazy to look elsewhere. Ah, love.

To celebrate? We're voting!

Also: today I am missing Tim Russert. It's just not election night without him.

Am I Crazy? #957

2008-11-03T16:25:00.000-08:00

Today I volunteered to lead a 90-minute Second Life session at the CLA convention.

The day before I go to IAAPA.

In the middle of my next consulting project.

I think I was coerced into the volunteering by my loved one. If I make it to Thanksgiving it'll be a miracle...maybe I should order a catered dinner.

I'm going back to my corner to hyperventilate now.

The Bitch is Back.

2008-10-31T08:40:00.000-07:00

I'm totally going to see Elton John tonight, and somehow I think Halloween might be the most appropriate day to do that. I thought about dressing up as a drag queen or Sir Elton himself, but I feel like every day is Halloween in Vegas and I probably would just blend in with everyone else.

And we all know I like to be center of attention.

So in the midst of the fragility and chaos and jackassery that seems to be the new normal these days, I'm taking some time out to hold my tiny dancer closer before the red tail lights head for Spain.

Oh yes, I am well-versed in 70s era Elton John. It's amazing I ever made it through grad school with the amount of trivial CRAP that lives in my head.

HAPPY HALLOWED WEEN*!

*you know they named Halloween after me, right?

A Sign of the Times

2008-10-22T14:28:00.000-07:00

And a good one for librarians...usage is up.

So much for the irrelevance of the public library in the 21st century.

What A Difference A Day Makes...

2008-10-20T16:37:00.000-07:00

...or maybe a year. Last year at this time I was on the beach in Hawaii. Today I'm excited about leaving my house.

Sigh.

I know. I know that I'm lucky to have a good job that almost pays the bills, and that I have a savings account to cover the rest for now. But I'm tired of having to think about it. I'm tired of having to make choices and thinking of the "what ifs", and it makes me want to not be at home, because when I'm not there I don't think so much about it. And then I'm guilty, because my husband has been at home for 10 months, thinking the same thoughts every day, but he has nowhere to escape to get away from them. And I feel bad when I don't want to be there, because it has nothing to do with him and the last thing I want him to think is that I'm trying to get away from him. It's the situation that I want to leave.

I want everything back the way it was. The days have turned into weeks and months and nothing has changed. Every time it looks like it might, something dumb happens and we're back to square one. But at some point it will change, and I just hold on to that, whatever it means.

I just hope it means another beach vacation someday soon, because I want to have fun again.

Something Different.

2008-10-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

Here is something new! And not the same old drivel I keep re-hashing in my head that usually involves figuring out how to easily sell my feet on the Internet for a lot of money.

I might not be kidding about that...so if anyone has any ideas, feel free to share. I have really cute feet!

Anyway.

Since I obviously don't have enough to entertain me or enough letters after my name, I've decided to become a LEED Accredited Professional. And while I feel like the whole LEED certification thing is just a way for the Green Building Council to make a pile of money, the general public eats that crap up and I get to be the person in my company who is the official LEED AP. Really, all it means is that I can walk people through the certification process - it certainly doesn't make me any kind of designer.

But hell, my company is paying for it, and maybe I can sell it to a library someday. It's just a bunch of memorization, and as long as I don't drink too much before the test I should be just fine. At least I hope so, because the test is $400 a pop. See? Money-making scheme.

I love the government.

Days Go By

2008-10-09T08:20:00.000-07:00

I don't like October. I'm not sure what it is, but this month makes me terribly sad, to the point that I'll cry uncontrollably in the corner for no reason. Last night I broke down in the car in a parking garage because we had gotten lost on the way to dinner and were late. But I pulled myself together and had a fine time whacking crabs with a hammer with our Korean clients.

Sometimes I don't want to pull myself together. I want to be able to fall apart, to be a mess, to lie in bed and watch Tabatha's Salon Takeover and get up when November arrives. Shut up. I only watched one episode when I was sick.

Nothing bad has ever happened to me in October - no one died, I never lost a job, no breakups, nothing. Last year I went to Hawaii in October, so really you'd think that I'd have fond memories of the month of pumpkins and candy and crunchy leaves. But no. As near as I can figure it's the change of seasons. I really hate waking up before dawn to go to work, and I just anticipate those days when it'll be dark before I get home. It just feels like someone is pushing down on my shoulders, shoving me down into the abyss of self-pity.

But I pull myself out of bed every morning at the same time, make myself presentable, and pretend that I'm fine for 10 hours until I can go home and pretend I'm fine so that no one worries, because God knows everyone around me has enough to worry about without having to tiptoe around my madness.

And really, I should be telling stories about the circus that is my office. Because DUDE - do I have stories.

Here's a Baby.

2008-10-08T08:26:00.000-07:00

Maybe that'll make us all feel just a little better today.

Strange Things Are Afoot at the Circle K

2008-10-06T08:08:00.000-07:00

So here's a weird story.

Last weekend one of the girls had her dog at the office. Being a dog, he vomited on the carpet (as they like to do). She didn't notice and left and one of the other girls came in the next day and found it. No big deal.

But.

In the leavings was a pile of bones that looked as though they had been bleached. Where does a dog find and eat bleached bones? And how do they come back up in the same manner? The strangest part was that this all happened in front of the reception desk - and the receptionist had been fired the day before.

(Cue scary music)

Needless to say, the office has been cleansed. And while I don't feel anything different, probably due to the fact that I don't put much stock in those types of things, it certainly can't hurt to make motions to change the energy in this place. God knows we could use it right now.

The Waiting Game

2008-09-30T08:31:00.000-07:00

This is what my entire life has come down to - waiting. Waiting for myself, waiting for my other half, waiting waiting waiting.

And you know what? THE WAITING GAME SUCKS.

I have applied to be a "Research Librarian for Emerging Technologies and Service Innovation" at UC Irvine. Now I get to wait to not hear anything from them, as they are starting the review process on Oct. 6th. It is really the job I see myself in ultimately, but somehow I think it's not going to happen right out of the gate. I could be wrong, but I'm certainly not getting my hopes up.

In the meantime, my other half had a second interview on Friday and left with no impression either way...but again, he has to wait to hear back from them, which may be this week or next week, who knows? I understand that's how it goes in our industry, but it's frustrating.

But! I do have good things to say! Polish festival was lots of fun, I got to hold the tiniest baby EVAR, and a good time was had by all.

Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos.

An Honorary Pole

2008-09-25T09:00:00.001-07:00

Hmm. That sounds dirty. Anyway, this afternoon I'm off to lovely Portland, Oregon for the annual Polish festival! No, I am not the least bit Polish - but the people I'm going with are...one is a Polish immigrant and the other is half Polish. I figure they make up for my Western European descent. Or whatever I am...I just tell people I'm American since my family has been here for so long. But I can do the birdie polka with the best of them, I love kielbasa and pierogies, and I can definitely drink, so I think I'll be okay.

And, if I believed in any of that planetary alignment/universe stuff, I'd say that something has re-aligned itself, evidenced by the fact that things are starting to resolve. My other half has a second interview tomorrow, and judging from what I've heard about the caliber of applicant, he has a very good chance of getting an offer. But I'm not telling him that. So, fingers and toes crossed that we'll actually have a reason to drink that bottle of Cristal in the fridge soon.

Oh yes, I have a bottle of Cristal. I'm gangsta like that. But not like this. (Project Runway spoiler in the link)

GAH. Last night? Total travesty.

And now? Time to do something resembling work until early this afternoon. Pictures Monday!!

On Wasting Time

2008-09-24T09:52:00.000-07:00

I've been at work three hours and I'm pretty sure I've done 10 minutes' worth of work. I've been productive in other ways, like changing a plane reservation, talking to my bank about my mysteriously absent direct deposit from last month (thanks, company for whom I contract, for not actually DEPOSITING the money), sending nasty emails to said company, updating my GoodReads account since people might actually want to look at my list someday, and working on a cover letter.

None of this is work-related, obviously. It seems that several of us in the office are suffering from lack of motivation and the distinct desire to stay in bed every morning. Today I forced myself out of bed on time because I knew if I didn't I'd probably stay there until 8:00. We've also come to the conclusion that life is hard right now. All the way around, it's hard. And we all have our own issues that have to stay out of the office or we'd all just fall into a drunken heap.

We're in the business of fun! Really! FUN!

And now I have to get back to document standards, or we won't be able to find our FUN!

Oh Come ON.

2008-09-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

Just when you think it all might be over, the waiting game starts.

GAH.

Context? My other half had a great interview with our newest competitor on Friday. "Great!" they said, "you'll hear from us on Monday!" It's Tuesday. Nothing. My co-worker and I realized that they're probably waiting for a contract to get signed...but I'm tired of waiting, and he's a wreck. We're pretty sure he's got a fighting chance, as the general manager at my office called and chatted him up ahead of his interview since the senior project coordinator over there worked for us last year.

Yes, themed entertainment IS the most incestuous industry of all. Worse than entertainment in general.

Anyway, we all know he's a perfect fit but the question is how long it's going to take. And time is the one thing we don't have much of anymore. Grrr.

In the meantime, I'm jealous of the fancy dress showdown in Boston this week. I really think we need one in my office.

The Revolving Door

2008-09-19T16:20:00.000-07:00

I've been at this job for six years. I'm used to people coming and going, because we are a project-based company that employs people as independent contractors. I am one of four employees right now - last week one got fired, and this week one quit.

Actually, two people quit this week. And people are all whispering in hushed tones about it, because oh noes! People are leaving, what's wrong with the company?

I just sit back and shrug my shoulders. I watch this happen all the time, so I'm pretty used to it. When people get fired or leave of their own volition, it's no big deal. What sucks is when a project tanks and you have to watch all of those people file out. Fortunately, that's only happened once (knock on wood).

What gets me is the shit that people talk about the company. Shit that worries people and makes them leave, too. So thanks, people that are quitting - thanks for leaving the rest of us to assure those you've told stories to that yes, it's fine, you're still here, right? I'm sorry that you feel as though you should be begged to stay and be given undeserved promotions and giant sacks of money. We're not in the business of stroking egos.

While I may not be at my happiest right now, I don't talk shit about the company. We're not making a lot of money, but we ARE turning a profit. We have work, and more is coming in all the time. And it bothers me that people listen to what two disgruntled employees are saying instead of going to management and asking for it straight - this is the most open-door company I've ever worked for, and they're happy to let us all know what's happening.

And look at me - I've been here SIX. YEARS. If I thought we were going under soon, I'd already be out. Am I unsure sometimes? Yes. Do I have faith that the right decisions will be made? I hope so. And when it comes time for me to leave, whether I walk out in the middle of the busiest year ever or I lock the doors for the last time, I won't talk shit. Because this is the most incestuous industry in Los Angeles and you never know who is going to give you your next job.

These Days

2008-09-15T07:54:00.000-07:00

I really wanted to go right back to bed this morning. I wish I were one of those people who just says, "Screw it - I'm staying home today" whenever they don't feel like going to work. At one point in my life I think I did that, actually - then I guess I grew up and decided I needed to drag my butt to work whether I wanted to or not. Most days I'm not sorry that I do, and hopefully today will be one of those days.

My life really isn't all doom and gloom. While I might be suffering from ennui and frustration over my current career status and the chaotic lameness in which I work, things outside those four walls are pretty okay. I mean, we're kinda broke and my other half is about five minutes from the temp agency, but our bills are paid and we eat well and we're way further ahead than most of the world. I know people who are absolutely stuck in their circumstances with no way out and when I look at them I realize that I really have nothing to complain about, because I always have an out. It might not be ideal, but I have somewhere to go and I still have a good job that I could commute to if needed.

Sometimes, though, it feels good to complain for a minute.

I guess that's why I drag myself into work five days a week, work more than I need to, and try to help everyone else along the way. Because it could've been me on the chopping block on Friday.

And then I'd REALLY have to complain.

On to fun things! My dog came with me to work on Friday and she was a big hit. I think she snowed everyone with her glowing personality, and the fact that she didn't eat pencils. She has been invited back, so she's ahead of one of the other dogs who can't come to work anymore.

Saturday I visited a friend's mom - his 85-year-old Polish mother who likes to have shots with me, and then mixes her Polish and Spanish together into a very entertaining mash-up of languages.

And yesterday? I had a three-hour brunch. I almost had to lie down in the middle of it because holy crap I had a lot of champagne. Then I went home and slept all afternoon and finally was aware enough to go pick up my other half at the airport last night, much to the dog's delight.

Up next - birthday parties and company picnics and the Portland Polish Festival.

Things might be okay.

A Day Like Any Other...

2008-09-09T16:33:00.001-07:00

So my days are all starting to melt together in a gooey pile. I get up at 5:30, get to the office at 7, stay until 5, go home, cook dinner, and fall asleep on the outdoor sofa - maybe I read a little until my eyes cross, and on Wednesdays I watch Project Runway.

Where's the excitement that was supposed to come after I got my degree? I was going to do things! Travel! Read piles of books! Exercise!

Four months later I've been as far as Portland, read two books, and worked out one day - and that was yesterday because I want to lose five pounds before I go back to Portland in two weeks.

Watch out - I'm a dynamo.

I wonder if it's partly a knee-jerk reaction from having to always be on the go while I was in school - at least it's something on which to blame my complete lack of ambition. Of course, being on a budget puts a kink in the travel, as does the fact that I actually DO have to go to work five days a week most of the time.

And work is a whole other ball of wax. Never in my professional career have I been so over a workplace. I have completely checked out, and yet I'm still here 10 hours a day most of the week. I work until three and then I futz around for the last two hours. I'd be better if I actually had the tools I needed to get started on my big projects - three databases, including, at long last, an image database. Maybe it'll get done before I quit, maybe not. I don't care today.

Sigh.

Down the Rabbit Hole

2008-09-03T16:37:00.000-07:00

Indeed I still do have a blog. I also have 10-hour workdays and suddenly I have someone to boss around, too. This is a blessing and a curse, as I can be pretty scattered and now I have to come up with things for someone else to do in addition to remembering what I have to do. I am also the most hands-off manager you'll ever meet, so I can only work with self-motivators.

This is why I'll never be a library director.

And I'm supposed to be obtaining a karaoke system for my company picnic but instead I'm trying to figure out code.

In the meantime, I'm flying absolutely blind in an office full of people doing the same. We'll either make it or crash spectacularly, and I honestly probably don't care either way any more. After six years I think I'm really coming to the end of my rope, and maybe it isn't the most convenient time to make this decision but I'm pretty sure that the time has come to make a graceful exit before I just walk out from sheer frustration.

Of course I say this now, but in six months I'll still be at this desk because my dream job hasn't called me yet. It wouldn't as big an issue if I could actually get myself into a position where I can do what I WANT to do, not what needs to be done at any given moment for some project and that no one else is around to do.

Ah, the eternal 'grass is greener' belief.

In the meantime, I'm just trying to keep myself together so I don't turn into a heap on the floor who dreads waking up every morning.

It may take a lot more booze.

Thinking Good Thoughts Today...

2008-08-25T08:01:00.001-07:00

...for baby Aaron, who arrived unexpectedly last night, two months early.

3lbs. 4oz.

Instead of seeing his pregnant mother next month, I'll be hopefully meeting him in person.

The year of the baby continues...

Holy Crap!

2008-08-20T14:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my four-year blogversary (is that a word?). BUT! More important things today!

This is pure genius:

Hitler Runs Universal

A truer piece about the theme park industry has never existed.

Clearing out the Cobwebs

2008-08-19T15:08:00.000-07:00

I'd really like to say I've been so busy doing fascinating! fun! stuff that I simply haven't had time to blog in the last two weeks.

Um, yeah. I've been working. And then I worked some more. Maybe I cooked something, thought about exercising, and then I fell asleep.

What a life.

The most exciting thing I've done is watch movies. My other half was kind enough to move our extra TV and DVD player outside in front of the sofa. So, in the last week I've seen Madagascar, No Country for Old Men, Ratatouille, and Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Electric Boogaloo. I'll let you guess which one I liked the most. That is the most movies I've seen in months, by the way.

I did go to the Huntington the other day, and now I'm a member.

Yep. I need a hobby.

Vacation - All I Ever Wanted

2008-08-05T18:17:00.000-07:00

Note to self: Do not take a vacation at the home of a person for whom you work. It can hardly be called a vacation.

That said, it is nice to be out of the office for awhile, even if I am designing books, editing plans, and signing drawings. And other than the complete meltdown I had at 4:30 this morning (hey thanks anxiety!) I'm having a fine time. Especially because I'm here ALONE right now. Except that I really want to go out and while my oldest friend in the world lives here, she started teaching at her new school yesterday and is wrapped up until Friday. Sigh. I guess I could go find some random convention attendee to buy me some drinks, but that seems like a lot of work, not to mention slightly creepy. I've seen those "local girls"...and no way am I going anywhere with some strange man.

Besides, I'd have to take a shower AND be charming. I'd rather sit around in my underpants and eat potato chips and grunt at the TV.

Somehow I've become a man.

I'd better buy some shoes tonight.

CYOB - Science Fiction Double Feature!

2008-08-01T05:00:00.000-07:00

The following post is my piece of Choose Your Own Blogventure.

Start at the beginning and make your own adventure!

Continued from Stefanie Says...

"Jax?"

Xinni heard herself cry out, praying he was here. The mysterious voice was weak but, without a doubt, his. Confused and in need of support, Xinni followed the trail of wires and ship parts.

The trail wound down a steep hill covered with moss. The rocks were loose and she slipped more than once as she descended to the valley. At the bottom of the hill she followed more pieces of wire, buttons, and scraps. Ahead lay a thick grove of rock formations. It was a desolate and barren place. The darkness followed shadows and the shadows followed nothingness.

Xinni could hear her heart pounding in her ears. This place was dangerous. The feeling of being watched haunted her. As she reached the opening to the rock formations she stumbled. She stopped and turned to go back to the ship when Jax's voice caressed her ears again. He was calling out to her. She couldn't give up on him no matter what dangers lay ahead of her.

Continuing forward, Xinni crossed the threshold and left the valley behind. She moved deeper into the shadows of the towering rocks. A blinding green light spread in front of her. It grew in intensity as it approached her, and frightened, she fell to the ground. At that moment an enormous boulder came crashing out of the sky and landed only a few feet from her. As the dust settled Xinni saw the entrance was completely sealed by the boulder. There was no going back now.

She turned to examine her only way out. The shadows were blinding. There was something unnatural about their dark nature, as if they were not shadows but merely voids. Then she noticed the last piece of wire under her foot. She moved ahead cautiously to look for more clues, but found none. Left in the dark caverns, no trail to follow, Xinni felt a shiver run down her spine. She had to think, but there was no time. Jax could be in trouble and she needed to get away from these dark voids.

The only choice left was to keep moving forward. The voids seemed to shimmer. How was it possible for complete nothingness to shimmer? Xinni tried to put them out of her mind. She turned a corner and came upon a narrow path between two rocks. She was terrified of squeezing through them, but from the little light showing she could see that ahead the pathway widened. Suddenly, a rustling sound on her right made her jump. She turned and jumped back.

Just as she turned she saw a large hole in the bottom of the cave wall. Something was crawling through the hole, whether to escape her or have her follow, she couldn't tell. As she bent down to examine the hole she noticed a small rounded disc lying at the opening. It was a key from the ship. Xinni stood and looked around. Another piece of the ship lay close to the narrow passageway. Just then a loud piercing scream came from behind her. The rumbling of rocks could be heard above and the ground was shaking. She had to get out of there.

If you think Xinni should enter the hole (and follow whatever went in before her) click here.

If you think Xinni should enter the narrow passageway, click here.

Get Ready to CYOB!

2008-07-29T20:08:00.000-07:00

Coming soon to a blog near you...Choose Your Own Blogventure #2!!

So on Friday? When you see a piece of some random sci-fi story here? That's why.

In other news, my 'n' key is having issues. I think something is stuck under it - probably from today's earthquake.

Yes, we had an earthquake, centered about 60 miles from here, 5.4, blah blah blah. You'd think it had never happened before with how fast every outlet glommed onto it. Granted, it was the biggest one I've felt in years, but living here, you just come to expect that it'll happen at one point or another - I guess that's how people along the Gulf feel about hurricanes.

And maybe? Sometimes it's pretty cool. Except for the part where all the mortar from the brick walls and tiny slivers of wood fell onto my desk and floor and I had to sweep it up so I didn't keep rolling over it with my chair.

In other other news, Vegas was a good time, as always. But maybe even better because my husband was with me! And Eddie Izzard is funny! And cabanas are the only way to go at the hotel pool! Also: I should not stay out until after 2am when I have to drive four hours later in the day and I'm just getting over a cold. I should also not let certain family members pour my drinks in the middle of the afternoon.

Lastly - vacation week next week! In...wait for it...Vegas! Surprise!! It's my staycation - while not exactly at home, I don't have to pay to stay. I'll be cleaning pantries, having upholstery cleaned, shelving books, and attempting to take down a wallpaper border. Glamour is my middle name, you know. And it's totally the opposite of a true vacation, but I won't be in the office and I'll be working my other job anyway, so I might as well make myself useful in between annotations.

And besides, in November I will probably be making the rounds of Florida theme parks during the annual amusement convention. How will I ever leave themed entertainment?

Dr. No

2008-07-23T20:53:00.000-07:00

A discussion about PhDs arose today. The part where you have to take statistics drove me off almost immediately, but it did make me stop and consider what the purpose of getting one would be for a librarian. Sure, you could teach, but you can do that with a Masters. And I certainly don't want to teach.

I mean really, what makes it worth all of the time and sweat and tears and god knows what else to get PhD after your name? I'm finding it hard to understand what, beyond a true specialization in an specific area of library science, one gets out of the doctoral experience. I'd be divorced and have a full head of grey hair and be jobless.

I guess I'm not a true academic.

Fortunately this is not currently my inner struggle, although I understand it. I had the same experience before I decided to get my Masters, with all of the "what ifs" stretching out ahead of me. Of course, it's already proven to be a valuable degree and I'd go back and do it again in a minute. I'm not sure I'd feel the same way about a PhD.

What I'm saying is that my quarter life crisis came out quite well. Maybe the PhD will be my mid-life crisis. That means I needn't worry about it for another 20 years.

Whew.

On the Fast Track...

2008-07-21T15:57:00.001-07:00

...to ruin?

Perhaps.

Welcome to week #1 of "will I make it through the next year?" This week features the start of my second job, my other half's continuing search for a first job, and my nagging him to just forget it and go back to school already. It's fun times here in Pasadena, full of angst and worry and the feeling of oh my god I should just quit all of this while I'm ahead and go find a commune where I can be the resident librarian.

I also might be coming down with something. Yippee!

Change is a difficult thing, I know. And I know it doesn't all happen at once and it's going to take time and this is a growth process and blah blah blah it'll all be cupcakes and ponies at the end.

My greatest fear is that it's going to be ex-lax brownies and badgers.

I really need all of this to be worth it. I thought that once school was done things would be easier and I could be a human again and yes, I was for about six weeks. Now it's starting all over again and even though someone is paying me for these 20 hours a week they are not my 20 hours anymore. But it is my decision and the first step toward my dream of working in my pajamas and if I don't do this now, I might not get another chance. And then I'll be 40 and still at the same desk doing the same. damn. thing. Okay - maybe I feel better now.

In the meantime, I just need to make it to the end of Thursday, after which I will be going to Vegas for the wedding of the summer - okay, the only wedding I'm attending this summer. Also: EDDIE IZZARD. And a steak at Circus Circus. Don't laugh - it's one of the best steaks in Las Vegas, even if you have to run from door to door to avoid the fright of the casino.

That reminds me that I keep thinking about starting a side project involving my dining adventures in Sin City. I'll just put that on the list, because hey! I'm sure I have time for that, too.

Finally - do you read Miss Doxie? Because after a long long hiatus, Leigh is back! And she is really f'ing funny.

I Need A Vacation

2008-07-18T10:04:00.000-07:00

Before I start slapping people upside the head in the office.

It would REALLY FEEL GOOD.

Blue

2008-07-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

Today's post is part of Blog Share, written by an anonymous blogger. Somewhere out there is an anonymous post by me. Links to all participant blogs are listed in the post below.

My mother is depressed. She was diagnosed with depression over 16 years ago and generally manages to stay on top of it with therapy and medication. I say she was diagnosed over 16 years ago because I can't remember when exactly, but I know that about 16 years ago she was suicidal.

I'm telling you this because it scares me.

My mother reminds me often that there is active and severe depression in many of my family members. We discuss the symptoms and ways that I can get help if I feel I am depressed. She tells me stories about staying in bed all day crying; about being unable to care for her children (undiagnosed post-partum depression); about feeling that she had nothing to offer the world.

I cannot pin point the time when I became aware that she was depressed, but I do vividly remember her driving to my school 16 years ago to say 'good bye'. She entered into an in-patient care treatment program. I'm not sure how long she was gone—at the time, I didn't even know where she went.

This is all coming to the forefront again because she was recently admitted to out-patient treatment for two weeks. Her version of a living hell is in-patient treatment, but she knew she needed something. I didn't know. I couldn't see it. But she knew. There is part of that that gives me comfort: she knows the signs, she's discussed this with her doctor, she knows when talk therapy and medication are not enough; but there is an entirely different part of me that just freaks out.

I freak out because I wonder if I suffer from depression. I have read up on it. I have told my husband about symptoms and signs to watch out for. I don't really think I'm depressed, but with all of the family history I can't help but wonder if I'm a ticking time bomb. I do not believe that I am depressed. I do believe that it could come on in the future.

I am certainly not trying to trivialize depression or those suffering from it. My mother leads a rather normal life—what I think of as a good life. It hurts me that sometimes she doesn't see it that way, but I know that I can't take it personally. I have to explain this to my husband and my brother time and time again—yes, she has a lot of good things happening to her and yes, she is aware of them and often pleased or excited by them, but she can't just make herself happy. I try to explain it while not fully grasping the disease. I try to explain it without minimizing the symptoms or raining on their parade. I try to explain it to them and I try to explain it to myself.

Our family is celebrating a lot right now. The joy is all around and I really hope that my mom can take care of herself so that in the near future she is capable of fully enjoying everything that her life has to offer. In the meantime, we're all here to support her.

Blog Share Participants

2008-07-15T20:19:00.000-07:00

Here is the official list of participants for Blog Share:

Vent Vox
Turn On The Stars
Trudie - Life After AC
Swimming With Sharks
Stefanie Says
Shhh! Librarian-In-Training
Sauntering Soul
Sass Attack
Reflections in the Snow Covered Hills
Red Red Whine
Our Simplicity
One New Duck
Oh My Seven
The Occasional Truth
No Lady
Nancy Pearl Wannabe
Muse On Vacation
Messing With Texas
Melliferous Pants
Lizland
Live Work Dream
Just Below 63
Jonniker
Java Literally
Heidikins
Full of Snark
Face Down
Ex Everything
Everything I Like Causes Cancer
Did I Say That Outloud?
The Daily Tannenbaum
The Coconut Diaries
Citystreams
Catheroominations
Bright Yellow World
Breath Smiles Tears
And You Know What Else
Alyndabear
3 Carnations

Coming Soon...Blog Share

2008-07-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow's post won't be my usual drivel...It will be a guest post from an anonymous blogger participating in Blog Share, hosted by -R- of And You Know What Else fame.

I'm sure it'll be so much more interesting than I am, and somewhere I'll be dulling up someone else's blog with an anonymous post of my own. I probably should have spent some quality time spiffing up my corner of the blogosphere (I hate that word), but dude - I'm lazy and by the end of the day the last thing I want to do is stare blankly at my monitor trying to decide what I want my blog that no one reads to look like.

In the meantime, I signed my contract with Butler Hill this morning and now have to stay mum about all of it for three years. And while I fully intend to honor the terms of my NDA, I have to say that in general I think they are pure bunk. Every project in my office involves some sort of non-disclosure, and someone is always blabbing about what is supposed to be confidential.

Usually it's the boss.

And with that, it's off to my spreadsheets.

Moonlighting

2008-07-14T16:46:00.000-07:00

Since I have copious amounts of free time these days, I've decided to take a second job. Because really, the first one doesn't drive me crazy enough, so I'm going to spend another 20 hours a week yelling at my computer screen.

Starting next week, I'll be a data annotator for the Butler Hill Group. I know! Sounds sexy, huh? But I can't deny that it's going to be interesting, especially since I can work in my pajamas on my outdoor sofa. This, you see, is the first step toward my dream of working full-time in my pajamas. And honestly, it's good experience in my chosen field of work and particularly in my field of interest.

The pay is pretty good, too, which was not a deciding factor for me for once.

In another month I might be kicking myself for doing this, but I figure it can't be any worse than going to school, and at least I'm getting paid for it. Especially since those student loans aren't going to pay themselves and I'm mere months away from getting the first bill.

Proof That I Am Certifiably Crazy

2008-07-10T16:16:00.000-07:00

Many years ago, I resolved that if I didn't get a tattoo by the time I graduated from college, I would never get one. I didn't really ever have an idea of what I would get permanently etched onto my skin, so I escaped college unscathed.

Then, when I started grad school, I thought, "Oh! I should get the Little Prince tattooed on me since it's my most favorite book EVER." I even decided to have the Library of Congress call number put into his scarf. Meaningful, yes. Dorky? Oh Jeebus, don't get me started. I obviously have not had this etched onto my skin. And thank God for that, because I fear that I might have regretted it.

Here comes the crazy part. The other day I was watching TV and saw some dude with a squid on his back. And I remembered this:

Meet Squinky the Squamster. This is my brother-in-law's creation, and one time I said hey! I should get that tattooed on me! HAHAHAA!

I was probably drinking.

So, that squid tattoo reminded me of him. And in that moment I realized that this is the picture I must have etched onto my skin for all eternity. Tentacles and all, in the old-tyme style of sea monster sketches.

The worst part is that I mean it. I am planning on having tentacles wrapped around my arm when I'm 80.

A Sucker Born Every Minute

2008-07-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that sucker is me. But wait! Have you seen Pleo yet? One of my co-workers brought him in this morning...

and by the end of the day I had ordered one. I couldn't help it - that dumb little robot is SO. CUTE. It's like a puppy you don't have to clean up after. All I know is that he'd better last until the end of time for as much as he cost.

Really, though - he's going to be a lot of fun.

ALA is A-OK

2008-06-30T13:00:00.000-07:00

So I went to the ALA convention on Saturday.

And I realized that I'm not part of that club. We'll get to that in a moment.

I was actually a little excited...they advertised GAMING PAVILION! And GREEN PAVILION! And TECHNOLOGY PAVILION! I got a Wii demonstration, low-emission carpets and new OPAC software. This appeals to a certain demographic, I'm sure.

However - I did see some cool stuff. A lot of great books, the Unshelved people (I got this shirt), and some interesting technology that could be used in my own industry. I also got to meet some people at the SJSU booth, where I had an intriguing conversation with some random guy about Second Life and how it should be made "safer".

But I'm not part of the public/school library group, to whom this convention is directed. My true "a-ha" moment came while I was speaking with the county library system and told them that I was interested in emerging technologies. They thought I wanted to work in technical services. One of them kind of poo-pooed the work that those folks do, making them sound like a bunch of trolls living in their pajamas with no communication skills. It didn't help that the people manning the booths were HR directors, not librarians.

Obviously, my time has not come...it's a little discouraging, but everyone around me thinks it's exciting. What it really means is that I'm going to have to convince the library world that they need someone like me.

In the meantime, I did see that someone has re-written "I, Robot" - taking the original book and the movie and making it better! At least that's what he says. AND...I saw the two creepiest little girls EVER. They wrote The Strand Prophecy - and they were dressed exactly as they appear on that website. I have pictures.

And I REALLY wanted to take pictures of the fashions of the ALA, but it was just too grim. I did, however, send a token picture of one of the worst to Miss NPW. Suffice it to say that the rest involved a lot of denim, flowers and a collection of the most sensible shoes I've ever seen.

I wore Dr. Martens clogs, by the way. A girl has to maintain her dignity.

But It Won't Get Me Down

2008-06-24T16:24:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you feel like people resent the fact that you might aspire to greater things?

I had a conversation with a colleague the other night that is really bothering me. I made a passing comment that I was going to the ALA convention to meet with the libraries in LA county to see what they're up to in terms of emerging technologies and blah blah blahcakes informational interviews.

You'd have thought I said I was going to stay in Vegas and become a stripper.

She got all defensive and insinuated that it was all her doing that I'm in the position I'm in now and somehow I'm beholden to stay with the company for eternity. Number one, it had nothing to do with her. Number two, I didn't say I was walking out tomorrow to leave everyone hanging. I still have work to do here, and probably at least a year before I would feel comfortable in the knowledge that everything will function without my presence. Number three, everyone I work for is 25 years older than I - this means that they will retire long before my career is over.

But - when do you decide to walk away from it all?

Yes, I have a lot of opportunities in this industry as an information professional. But none of it has anything to do with what I truly want to do when I grow up. I'm not going to be the virtual librarian of themed entertainment, nor is a spot for an emerging technologies librarian going to appear with the TEA. It's just not going to happen.

I feel like my mission now is to set everything up to work without me, and I'm working toward that goal. It means hours of staring at keyword lists and subject headings and looking at software and explaining that no, you can't scan that at 72 dpi to save disk space. But it also means practical experience in an environment that I understand and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

And I don't know why I let it bother me so much. I don't owe anyone anything...I've given enough, and I don't feel like anyone owes me anything, either. I just want to do the best job I can while I'm here, and walk out when my dream job comes along.

I don't want to feel guilty about wanting that.

The Land of Port

2008-06-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

As Gene likes to call it, was very nice. East coast-style, really, which is fine because it's easy to walk and all that jazz.

I'm still an L.A. girl all the way.

I spent four hours in Powells and didn't make it all the way through the store. I did come out with a large pile of books AND under my budget. I'm not sure that'll happen next time, because it won't be just me, but my other half as well.

Also: the movie set? Better than Frankenweenie, it was Coraline. And while it isn't a Burton film, it is directed by Henry Selick and that's all that matters. I wish I could talk about it, but I signed my life away via NDA. Coming from an industry that relies on people actually NOT disclosing information I will respect it.

But it was REALLY COOL.

So now I'm back home slowly melting in the pre-summer heat and planning on going to Vegas this weekend because I'm not hot enough. GAH. Actually, it's kind of a work thing because everyone is going to InfoComm and wants me to come out and hang with them, since they think I'm some kind of Vegas insider 24-hour party person.

I go there and sit in my PJs on the sofa. But I guess I have a reputation to uphold.

My Personal Pilgrimage

2008-06-13T13:06:00.000-07:00

Another weekend of living out of my suitcase is upon me. But this time it's different! I'm only flying through Vegas. To Portland.

AND POWELLS.

Oh yes, I am making the trek to the holy of holies. I am so excited I could spit, and I know I'm going to be so completely overwhelmed I won't be able to remember anything that I want, and I'm not dork enough to actually take a list with me. I mean, I'm a dork, but I have some scruples.

It's an entire block. OF BOOKS. And ohmygod I just saw this:

It's a series.

ANYWAY, I'm really going to Portland for a birthday party. For a one-year-old. With 40 people. I am confused about the hubbub, and considering the fact that I will only know five people, I'll probably just quietly drink in the corner.

MMM...drink. I haven't had one of those in a week. I remind myself of how many calories I'm saving every day that I don't imbibe, and then I eat a cheeseburger.

I will never be a supermodel.

The other part of my trip? I get to visit the set of the new Tim Burton stop-motion animation film...FRANKENWEENIE. My husband hates me a little because of that. I know someone who knows someone and that's the only reason I'm going. But still!

Also: Oregon will be either my 41st or 42nd state. I can't remember if I've been to Connecticut. And if I make it 10 miles north I can cross off Washington, too.

Life is good.

PS: Stolen Innocence was fantastic. Very highly recommended. I'll spend my trip reading back issues of US Weekly.

In Between Days

2008-06-10T16:21:00.000-07:00

The quiet rut that is my life has been most comfortable of late. I have no clue what I've even done in the last two weeks.

I know what I haven't done - that bottle of Cristal is STILL in my refrigerator. Three weeks and counting?!!! I know - I can't believe it myself. I fully planned on drinking it over the weekend, but the gin got in the way.

I will be wrinkly someday, yes. And so will my liver.

In the meantime, I'm reading books! Who knew? I read this one a couple weeks ago:

I think it can only be truly appreciated by librarians. I found it laugh out loud funny, although from some of the random comments I've seen online others haven't found it as amusing. Nor do they consider Borchert a "librarian". I have plenty to say about that, as I am part of the group that firmly believes that an MLS does not a librarian make. I'm sure that most para-professionals in the public library could run circles around me, and I'm sure that they know a hell of a lot more about Reader's Advisory than I ever will. So yes, I consider them my peers just as much as anyone who spent the time and money for a piece of paper.

I still like my piece of paper, and the extra letters after my name. I just saw the proof for my new business card and being one of two employees with letters after her name ROCKS SOCKS.

And I started this one yesterday...many thanks to Miss NPW for putting this on her Goodreads list:

I'm 75 pages into it and captivated.

Alive!

2008-05-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

Too much to whine about, not enough ambition to write it down.

And I'm sick of complaining. I've totally turned into bitchy Betty lately. I guess I just have more time to think about things now, which in my case is quite possibly the most dangerous thing EVER.

So instead? I'm going to Vegas to get my hair done before I turn into the stereotype that I dread so much.

I also haven't had a drink since Sunday... and I have a bottle of Cristal sitting in my refrigerator.

That is discipline.

And We All Know that Rust Never Sleeps...

2008-05-22T13:06:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling kind of rusty. The last three weeks have been a whirlwind and all of a sudden it's all come to an end and I have no idea what to think about that.

But I have my Master's degree. And the pictures to prove it! In two separate cameras...one of these days I'll get them posted. While many people I know never walked through a graduation after high school, it was very important to me to be at convocation. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I spent two-and-a-half years alone in front of my laptop, and it was nice to be in the same room with at least 67 others who did the same.

The big presentation to our Korean client was a resounding success and that might make it worth all of the work...if we get the next phase of the project it will really be worth it.

But for now I'm completely worn out from the madness of the last five months. Sometimes I have no clue how I made it through, especially with everything that happened on the periphery of my life while I got out of school and did whatever had to be done to keep projects running at the office.

Now I sit and wonder about the next big thing. Then I ask myself, "What's WRONG with you?" Why I can't take a few months and just exist is beyond me...I worry about not using my degree to its fullest and I don't even have the actual piece of paper yet. I'm not even done, really. I still have to do a presentation on a project that I worked on during my last semester. A presentation that will hopefully bring me some exposure with the information community at large, and educators in particular.

Today, however, I'm going to leave it all behind and go rot in the desert for four days. Because I have nothing left to give.

Selah.

30 Hours and Counting...

2008-05-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

...Until I can put that MLIS after my name.

Lest I forget...if you're going to be at convocation tomorrow and would like to tell me to quit my whining (because it's coming), here's what I look like:

I'll have less penis pop in my mouth.

In the meantime, my dog is incontinent from Prednisone and I started washing the bedding before 8am. A warning, my friends - steroids might make your dog pee. A lot. While its asleep in your bed.

It was a long sleepless night for everyone. But we have it figured out and disposed of the culprit - I'd much rather deal with a dog in a cone than worry about how much she's going to wet while I'm not looking. Thank god for Nature's Miracle...if you have a dog, don't be without it.

This was supposed to be a big party weekend full of fun and merriment. So far, I got out of work an hour late last night and I have to go in today to put together materials for my graphic designer since the book on which we're working has to be finished by tomorrow night and I'll be GOD DAMNED if I'm working on my graduation day.

And my dog peed the bed three times last night. So hey! Come on over! We'll wash the dog and replace European Town elevations for the third time. The fun never stops.

*Sigh*

I should be drinking mimosas and lounging on my outdoor sofa...instead I'll be doing laundry and sitting in my office to celebrate the culmination of two and a half years of work. I cannot begin to express how glad I am that my entire family (and I mean ENTIRE - in-laws included) did not come out for graduation, because I am in the worst mood EVER. It's bad enough that I have to scrub my toilet in case my sister comes over tomorrow.

All I know is that when I am done with work today, I am off the clock until Monday morning. I'm not going to book-end (I'm so witty) the biggest event of my life by sitting at my desk sending drawings.

Take that.

Saturday! Saturday!

2008-05-10T09:07:00.000-07:00

I always think about how it's a good thing no one reads my blog, especially since I haven't posted in almost two weeks. And while I'd love to describe exciting tales of wild days and nights, it would all be a fiction.

Because I? Am in theme park purgatory. Even my Google chat status says so. In the last two weeks I've become responsible for producing both an electronic version as well as facilitating the production of the hard copy version of a 100% concept presentation for a client in Korea.

So there. Top that for excitement, party people! Nothing is better than working 10-hour days on three different things, getting nowhere fast as everyone keeps changing what was supposed to be done, and realizing that the deadline for upload is 5pm on Monday.

I dream of the day when we have a client in the same time zone.

I did get a substantial raise, however, so I just put my head down and keep working. Mostly... just don't tell me the drawings that I've changed the title blocks on have been revised, or I will sprout horns and spit fire at you. I'm impressing my cubicle mate with my mastery of profanity...she was shocked to hear "cock punch" come out of my mouth.

She's new here.

Oh yeah - I'm in the office this morning working for my other boss. The one who keeps me in shoes. I know! You want my life.

I graduate in eight days. Eyes on the prize, folks.

Burn Baby Burn

2008-04-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

If you see a news report that says something near Pasadena is on fire, it's not me.

We are, however, blanketed under a layer of smoke and ash and it smells like a campfire. Fortunately, I live in the middle of town so unless we start it ourselves, my house probably isn't going to catch on fire.

Also: my graduation attire arrived today. Who knew a hood was so hard to figure out? I'm so confused by it. Evidently, I'm smart enough to get a Masters but not smart enough to figure out how to dress myself.

Where I'm Going for Happy Hour Tonight

2008-04-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

From Vegas.com:

Over in a dark corner, at the end of the bar at Champagnes Cafe, there's a little memorial. It's for John L. "Marty" Martinez. He managed Champagnes for seven years, moving from San Diego in '93 to help transition the place from The Old Inner Circle. According to the current staff, Marty worked seven nights a week, trying to make the freestanding bar across from the Boulevard mall one of the friendliest little joints around. He passed away May 1, 2000.

So, as an homage to Marty, Champagnes Cafe has set a permanent place for him. There's a bottle of liqueur, a snifter full of booze, a half-cup of coffee and an unlit cigarette. A shirt is over the bar stool, and a bulletin board is carefully hung on the wall. If you believe the photos hanging on the board, Marty was a bit of a lady's man -- he has a hot babe on his arm in every picture.

But it seems fitting that Marty should have his own eternal stool. Champagnes Cafe isn't the kind of place that quickly forgets anything. It's a throwback to Old Vegas. Not the velvety, 20-umbrella kind of Old Vegas that the Peppermill holds on to tighter than Dean Martin choking a martini glass. No, Champagnes is more classic Vegas -- little seedier, darker and intimate. Maybe it's the photos of a few boxing matches and celebs from days gone by draped on the walls. Or the jukebox that sports more Bing, Frank and Louie than anything recorded in the past decade. More likely it's the plush wallpaper that looks as though it was pulled off some casino's floor -- Liberace would have loved this stuff. The whole place feels as comfortable and lived-in as that swinging coat you bought at the Salvation Army.

Of course, Champagnes isn't immune to the modern age: beer signs and football memorabilia litter the bar -- namely, Bears and Raiders stuff. It's a reminder that even the coolest places have to cater to the "Monday Night Football" crowd to make a profit.

And Champagnes needs people. Even at its busiest moment, the Cafe isn't some hopping hangout. Not that it's as empty as George Dubya's soul. There's always a few regulars popping quarters in the slot machines or kicking back in one of the booths. Let's just say you'll never have to worry about finding a seat.

But that's what's great about the place: The only thing you can really do at Champagnes is indulge in vices and talk with friends. There are no darts, pool, video games, cage dancers or lion tamers. This is a place to either get serious about your drinking or have a serious conversation, something you can't really do when 2 million decibels of bass are slamming like a pickax into your head. I mean, imagine having to talk to people rather than just rub up against them? What an antiquated thought.

Sure, some of the kids who still consider polyester flames cool won't understand that. You can almost hear some girl in an outfit even porn stars would be embarrassed to wear asking, "What, no Red Bull?"

Champagnes Cafe couldn't care less. This is a bar, dammit, something that will still be around long after people start regretting glow sticks and DJ Skribble. And over in the corner, Marty will be taking another hit of brandy, pulling a puff of his cig and laughing his ass off at the whole thing.

Oh Vegas, I love you so much.

Regaling

2008-04-24T16:19:00.000-07:00

(I'm pretty sure that isn't a word)

Why do they call it regalia anyway? It's a cap and gown for pity's sake. Anyhow, mine is on its way and I can't believe I'm actually going to be walking in a few weeks.

You know what I forgot to share?

My graduation present:

Picture them in black. And yes, they are Jimmy Choos. I should get a degree more often, I think. Or a really high-paying job, because I found three other pairs that I would've walked out with as well. Fortunately, I have some sense. So, if you're in the market, the store in Caesar's Forum shops is lovely and the staff is nice.

It will probably be the last time I ever go there...unless I become the millionaire librarian. And we all know that isn't going to happen.

Lull

2008-04-17T16:08:00.000-07:00

I'd marry Andrew Bird if I weren't already married to a violinist.

Things are suddenly very quiet here, except for the fact that I'm traveling every weekend. This is not exciting, really. Last week I was in Vegas where I just sat around and/or worked, this week I'm going to my sister's baby shower, and next week it's back to Vegas...

TO SEE THE VERVE. I have to admit that I was so dismayed when they broke up because I had never seen them live. And then! My chance to ogle Richard Ashcroft in person returned!

I have an unhealthy fascination with emaciated dark-haired musicians, evidently.

So yeah, that's exciting. Much more than spending quality time with the crazy half of my family this weekend in Northern California. My husband opted out of going with me, as he had a choice. He hasn't seen my father since we got married. Over seven years ago.

That, my dears, is love.

And maybe I wish I didn't have to go, either. It's not that I don't like my family. They just take an awful lot of work and it's not the most desirable way to spend two days of my life when I could stay home and watch hours of TruTV instead. Oh Forensic Files, I can't quit you.

Besides the fact that I spent a half hour at 5am coughing up whatever is rattling around in my lungs, which may never go away if I don't get some freaking rest. I like to pretend I have TB and that I'm developing a laudanum addiction. It's more romantic than bronchitis.

I have promised that I will stay home for the month of May. At which point I'll complain that I'm NOT traveling anywhere instead of complaining that I'm gone every weekend.

And when that's the biggest of my concerns? Life is good.

She's Leaving on the One After 909...

2008-04-09T18:35:00.001-07:00

...not really. I just saw that my last post was 909 and it made me think of the Beatles song.

So yesterday I thought I had asthma. But hey! Good news! I don't think so anymore - because my cold came back.

In other news, I'm tired. Just tired in general, not "I need to experience the sleep of the dead" tired. I'm tired of school, tired of work, tired of the every day monotony of life. I just want to walk away from it all. But we all know that's not possible.

Or is it?

You Weren't Going to Work Today Anyway

2008-04-04T14:24:00.000-07:00

So, here's this thing instead.

Ms. NPW over at Musings of a Semi-Coherent Mind organized a Choose Your Own Blogventure, based on Choose Your Own Adventure books.

I have to figure out someone else's timesheets this afternoon, but you have fun.

MLIS?

2008-04-03T07:48:00.000-07:00

Why yes, thank you.

I finished my e-portfolio last night. I was shaking when I opened up the email, but then I saw the "Congratulations" and I think I quit reading until the "But you are done". Then I had to go to the airport. It has been a pretty anti-climatic experience and I was tired and sad last night so it wasn't as thrilling as it could've been.

But this morning I'm breathing again, and the importance of that email is sinking into my tired, tired brain. I really did it - two and a half years of work in a neat little package that proves I can be a librarian.

And HAHA I'm the first of everyone I've been talking to that's finished. Just under three weeks ahead of the due date.

Now I have no excuse to ignore my research project, which is all I really want to do anyway.

Does this mean I have to change the name of my blog?

Talking About My Feelings.

2008-03-31T18:07:00.000-07:00

That's pretty much what I think about my professional philosophy. "How do you feel about library science?" they ask. And I have to tell them, in at least three pages. It's easy to talk about it - give me a couple of drinks and I have BRILLIANT ideas about sharing and organizing information in the digital age. But in front of a blank Word doc I just sit and watch the cursor blink, trying to come up with something smart and witty to express my philosophy, why I even decided to get into the profession in the first place.

Really? It's an incredibly personal process and considering the fact that I'm not one to share my feelings with people at large, it's a difficult one for me. However, I'm guessing this is just the first of many occasions that I'm going to have to describe my love of making knowledge available so I'd better get used to it.

I also better get drinking, because I only have three weeks left.

And Then There Were None.

2008-03-25T10:26:00.000-07:00

I finished competency #14 last night with a minimum of fanfare. It was pretty much "oh shit, I'm done" and that was all. Somehow it felt rather anti-climatic - when I thought I would be running into the street singing the Hallelujah chorus with a bottle of champagne in my hand, I had some profiteroles and fell asleep on the sofa.

Something in me just isn't that excited about it. Of course, in my amateur attempt to psychoanalyze myself, I've come up with several theories, none of which made me feel any better. Really, what I think it boils down to is that although I'm close to having my degree, nothing is going to magically change overnight once I'm finished. I'll get my hood and go back to the same job the next day. It's not like getting my Bachelors and completely starting over. But I'm 30, not 21, and having the option to keep making a decent living until the perfect thing comes along is a great comfort.

I also am the type of personal to downplay achievements, which may be a surprise considering the fact that I love to be the center of attention in general. But I'm very quiet about my education because I don't ever want to throw it in anyone's face. I just happen to have found something that I wanted to get another degree in, and had the chance to do it. It doesn't make me special or smarter, and in my office I'm constantly reminded that pieces of paper mean nothing if you can't DO something with the knowledge, because few of the great minds around me have a degree.

And I've now proven to SJSU, or at least my adviser, that I can DO something with library science. I'm not quite finished, though - I still have to describe my professional philosophy and come up with a career plan, both of which I might steal from the text of a chat with Miss NPW this morning, because dude - she's funny.

But for now, I just need to step back a few paces, get a little distance from the whole thing, and maybe wait until my heart stops beating irregularly. If that ever happens.

14 competencies in under 9 weeks. Quite an accomplishment, if I do say so myself.

And tonight we celebrate with RIBS. I really know how to party.

And Then There Was One.

2008-03-23T21:10:00.000-07:00

One competency left. I'm not sure what to say about it, except that it's suddenly sinking in that I'm actually going to have a degree in less than eight weeks.

And that my graduation regalia is $70. Buh? I thought I might just cut a hood out of construction paper, but I suppose that I'll buy the real thing.

Because, um...I'M GOING TO HAVE MY MASTERS.

Post #903

2008-03-19T18:26:00.000-07:00

Somehow I missed that I'd hit 900 posts the other day.

Eh.

#12 is in the can, with #13 hot on its heels.

I spent the afternoon ARCHIVING. Who knew that I'd actually ever get to do what my job description says?

That's all.

My Own March Madness

2008-03-16T19:54:00.001-07:00

It's the Final Four of my e-portfolio...and #11 has been eliminated!

Three left. THREE!

I'm competing against March 31, which is when I want to be done with this. And actually before then, because I'll be in Vegas that weekend and I would like to, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TWO YEARS, not do any work while I'm there.

I can't believe it's been that long. I'm in Vegas at least every two months, so that makes about 12 trips during which I had to do some sort of homework.

The light at the end of the tunnel must just be visible. And not a moment too soon.

Looking for Ghost Writers

2008-03-13T15:07:00.000-07:00

So...I'm wondering if I can find someone to ghost write the rest of my e-portfolio.

Really, it's only four competencies. Someone out there must know about research methods, the economic, social and cultural aspects of information use, developing training programs for an audience, and whatever that last one involves. I don't even remember what it is, but it's probably awful and I bet I don't have any evidence left to present for it.

Oh - I forgot about that part. My ghost writer has to use what I have as evidence and make it sound feasible. It's not that hard. I've turned in the most random pieces but I have the gift of spin, evidently. Did you know that a review of online catalogs can count as evidence for reference service knowledge?

I'm good.

So yeah, yesterday I hit double digits and if I do nothing more for the next month I could get an incomplete.

And we all know that I won't let that happen. That means it's back to the grind and figuring out what that last competency entails...

Oh! Evaluating programs.

So surly.

From Gene.

2008-03-11T11:42:00.000-07:00

OH HAI!

2008-03-10T16:07:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am alive. I survived the plague, although the nagging cough is totally annoying. I did have to whine about it, and much to my other half's credit he tolerated it with nary a scoff in my direction. He did gag when I made him listen to what was in my lungs, but in his defense it was pretty gross - it was close to a death rattle.

So anyway, that put me a week behind in my schoolwork, which has been difficult to make up since I was SO DAMN TIRED. I did get #9 completed and approved, and am counting the remaining competencies on one hand.

That is something. One more and I can get an incomplete! Um, yeah...I'm not stretching this out another semester, thanks. Not that anyone is coming to graduation because I cannot guarantee that they'll actually be able to SEE me graduate as I only get four tickets until the first of April. That's okay, because it means I can get completed ripped after the ceremony and I don't have to worry about embarrassing myself in front of my family.

In conclusion, I need to complete two competencies, discuss curriculum with one of my instructors, do some research on simulations, hold a Second Life orientation, and re-tool the old man's resume. This week.

I have no idea why anyone wants my life.

Tubercular.

2008-02-28T14:04:00.000-08:00

I have no idea if that's a word, but I've caught the grippe that's been going around here. And hey! That's pleasant, especially when I have to go to sleep at 9pm every night because I'm wrecked.

The good news is that competency #8 was signed off and now I'm trying to figure out what I know about oral and written communication skills as they apply to group work.

I know! You envy me SO MUCH. But after this one I'll be able to count the remaining on one hand. That will be sweet. Shut up...that is what I've got right now. That and the chunk of chocolate covered banana I ate earlier.

In other news, next week is the big industry awards show!

Um, yeah. I go because it's free and sometimes I see an old co-worker or two and we catch up on the status of my degree progress. This year, however, the invitations were coveted because a lot more people work here now...there's not even a spouse invite anymore. Not that mine wants to go...he humors me with the work-related stuff. And I think my boss finds him attractive. He is quite popular with the gay contingent. Anyway, it's all hush-hush since the table only seats 10... and I'm the only non-management person invited. Because I am the princess.

But! At least I have my usual non-spousal escort who is also invited so I have a designated driver for when I have too many gin and tonics before the show starts since I know that the company that buys the wine is cheap and we'll only get two glasses. Now that's a sentence. And I get to dress up so no one recognizes me. That's fun, too. I like to introduce myself just to see the reaction.

Back to group work.

Come ON!

2008-02-26T11:44:00.000-08:00

High on my list this week? Maintaining my sanity. I walked into the office at 10:30 yesterday morning to a complete meltdown, which was completely resolved in about three hours.

??

Everything seems like an emergency when I'm not around, and when I appear it all gets thrown at me to handle because others just freeze. I changed out of my pajamas (what? I rode in from Vegas) and dug in and voila! Solved.

BAH.

Competency #8 got kicked back to me over the weekend, which was defeating, especially considering that I hadn't turned in anything for over a week. But I've fixed it and we'll see what comes back in a few hours. And honestly, I've let school slip for about a week. I've done the bare minimum to keep everyone happy and nothing else. Now I have to get back on the horse because I REALLY NEED TO GRADUATE.

I can't take another semester of this. Ever. It's hard and I'm tired and I just want to be a librarian already.

But now the whining must stop and I must get back to work.

Today I Hate Everyone.

2008-02-22T10:05:00.000-08:00

You know the old adage, "Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine?"

Yeah.

I'm leaving in 45 minutes. And it's a good thing because otherwise someone would be getting the ass end of my sleepless night.

Bah.

Today's Useless Fact

2008-02-20T09:04:00.000-08:00

They Might be Giants' song "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" is a remake. The original was recorded by The Four Lads in 1953.

I had no idea.

In other news, I've hit the wall and am completely rebelling by doing NOTHING. This is not productive. Although I did make an amazing lasagna last night, it did not involve writing or research or peer mentoring.

I must start again this evening. So, it's another competency and some wiki entries.

In other other news, I am quickly transitioning into my new job before anyone notices, including changing desks so no one can find me to ask for copies. Or to answer the phone while she goes to lunch. Or order plotter paper since OMG it doesn't come from Staples?!?!!! Because SOMEONE here has realized that I might actually be more useful if I were actually utilizing the degree on which I've spent piles of the government's money.

And maybe I'll get paid what I'm worth. Or close to it. As long as it's enough to keep me here until my dream job shows up.

Which might be any day now. HA.

Halfway Home.

2008-02-15T10:35:00.000-08:00

#7 signed off on last night.

I pushed myself so hard this week that I have a cold now. I completed three competencies in five days and kept it mostly together.

I've truly turned into a machine. I have so much crap going on around me right now but somehow I just keep churning away oblivious to all of it. Because I need everything else to be taken care of by someone who is not me, or I won't make it.

So far, so good. Although I don't sleep very much anymore, I'm not shutting down, as I just cannot do that. And I'm damn proud of myself.

I really CAN do this.

This afternoon, I'm leaving for Desert Hot Springs to spend the weekend on an outdoor sofa with a trashy magazine. I've earned it.

A Few Things.

2008-02-13T13:49:00.000-08:00

One: competency H = done. A half dozen complete. My website still works, even.

Two: I will finish another this evening, and with sign off I'll be halfway through my e-portfolio.

Three: At the end of this semester I will be published not only on teh Intarweb, but also in print.

Four: If people keep scanning stuff willy-nilly in this office I am going to start hurting them. Badly. Especially because they end up wasting my time. Which, if you know anything about me, is what I hate the most.

Five: Someday I'm going to actually be the information specialist for my company. And I'm sure that will mean NOTHING. Sigh.

Six: The highlight of this week was falling asleep during a web conference on Monday night. Just a tip: don't take Benadryl before class. I woke up before it was my turn to talk.

Seven: My marriage has made it through these first three weeks unscathed. My husband is a saint. And he knows when to leave me alone.

Eight: I'm really a wreck right now. Some days I make it through...and some days I can't get out of my pajamas. I wake up at all hours of the night thinking. I've been up since 4:45 this morning. I got an oil change at 7:00.

Nine: I've been at work since 7:30. I'm getting REALLY ugly right now.

Did I mention that at the end of the week I'll be halfway through my e-portfolio? In just over three weeks? And I still have another nine to finish it?

That's what keeps me going.

Wait, What?

2008-02-11T16:17:00.000-08:00

Did I say competency H? Because I evidently cannot obtain an FTP password to complete that one.

GAH.

So I did B instead. Nine left to go...and I must complete two this week so I won't have to do any work over the long weekend. At least on this.

Plugging away.

So, What Do You Do Here?

2008-02-07T16:23:00.000-08:00

I have to write a job description. Of what I want to do, as opposed to what I actually do.

Well, I want to do nothing and make $100K a year. Can I start there and work backwards?

I want things to make sense here. I need tools to do that. Everyone tells me I'm going to be a department. Fine. Give me what I need to make that work. I want to be able to use new media to get us exposure - I can't do that if I'm answering the phone.

I don't have time to think about it, really - I have three other projects outside of work to work on - I don't need homework from the office, too.

So? I will have a charrette this evening. And finish competency H.

Take That, Intellectual Freedom!

2008-02-06T12:16:00.000-08:00

HAHA! Competency #4 signed off! This one came with a little bit of trouble. It's rather hard to explain why intellectual freedom is a good thing and that privacy should be protected. But I did it.

So the next time someone tells you that you can't look at porn on the computer in the public library? Send them to me - I've got your back.

And Then?

2008-02-04T16:47:00.000-08:00

I decided to do it anyway.

Glutton for punishment? Yes.

Opportunity for exposure? Most definitely.

Do pluses outweigh minuses? Time will tell.

Can I afford it? I can't afford not to.

So it's settled, and I'm excited and nervous and I haven't taken three classes since my first semester.

What is WRONG with me?

I have completed a third competency, with two more on deck to be finished by the end of the week. I'm channeling everything I have into completing this damn e-portfolio by March 31st.

Also: considering changing my Second Life avatar into a hobo. I'm creating curriculum, I have no idea what I'm doing with it, but everyone thinks I'm doing a bang-up job.

Still keeping it together, with no idea how.

sigh

2008-02-01T13:53:00.000-08:00

As I sit here at my desk fending off my weekly panic attack and wishing I could just sink through the floor into a dreamless sleep, I'm also bummed that a special project just came up that I don't have the time or the money to do.

Research! Simulated environments! Libraries! It's like porn to me. What's more? It's with one of my favorite instructors.

But? I'm overwhelmed with school, work and life in general. And even if I weren't, I can't afford to take another class right now.

So bummed. So stressed. So tired.

I picked the wrong time to quit drinking. Or the most right time ever.

I've Got No Motivation

2008-01-31T14:35:00.000-08:00

Hey! I can manage my way out of a paper bag.

Competency D = done.

Here's the thing, though, and I remember this occurring in every final semester I've ever had.

I just don't care.

Every day I have to force myself to write, or upload content, or send emails, or schedule web conferences. And I don't want to do it. At all. Maybe it would be better if that's all I had to do, but that pesky job thing gets in the way and I'm trapped in this office nine hours a day.

I could probably charge through my e-portfolio and be done in half the time we have to finish. Because wow - it's a whole lot easier than I imagined. I just don't feel like it. I'm tired and burned out and stressed and over people asking me about Second Life and I just want to take my ball and go home.

So there.

My First Plug.

2008-01-29T15:29:00.001-08:00

"Shhh! Librarian-in-Training!" is a gripping edge-of-your-keyboard drama DON'T MISS IT!

-Gene George, Senior Staff Writer

What Made Me Laugh Out Loud Today?

2008-01-28T16:41:00.000-08:00

Whoa. Whoa. Somebody needs to call Jim Henson's people and alert them to the fact that some of the bigger, dumber Muppets have come to life and are at large throughout the city. We'd better hope they saw this day coming.

Scroll down. It's worth it.

The Story So Far.

2008-01-26T06:59:00.000-08:00

I've had some new visitors of late, so let me get you up to speed about all of these slightly nonsensical posts.

I am in my last semester of grad school at San Jose State University, getting my degree in Library and Information Science. My culminating project is creation of an e-portfolio covering the 14 competencies that the administration feels that we should be able to perform when we're done with the program.

I'm also currently neck-deep in Second Life with a group of new LIS students as part of a peer mentoring project team.

On top of all this? I work full-time in the themed entertainment industry, for The Hettema Group. Everyone wants my job. When I get my hood, or if the city of Pasadena ever grants me another interview, they can have it.

So yeah - I'm feeling a little under the gun. Can I do it? I don't have a choice.

Today, the countdown continues. One competency down, 13 to go. 11 1/2 weeks to finish.

Innumerable sleepless hours await.

Thanks for stopping by.

And...

2008-01-25T16:36:00.000-08:00

Signed off!

I can now evaluate, query and design information retrieval systems.

HOLLA BITCHES!

Oh God.

2008-01-25T14:38:00.001-08:00

I just turned in my first competency.

I'm shaking and I might throw up.

And So It Begins.

2008-01-21T10:25:00.000-08:00

The race to April 21st is on. And maybe it's not as completely terrifying as I thought...don't get me wrong, I will still be up every night thinking about what project to apply to which competency, but I found out that I don't have to edit anything.

I don't have to edit. I know. I can't believe it either. I just throw it out there with an explanation of what it proves. Somehow I feel like that's cheating. But whatever.

My advisor has not had anyone fail. While this is reassuring, I've also been told that she works her students hard. I'm okay with that, mostly - if I'm going to spend weeks of my life assembling a portfolio, I'd like it to be worth something in the end.

But the sleepless nights are going to be difficult. They've already started and school doesn't begin until Wednesday...I have a feeling I'm going to be spending plenty of quality time with my sofa during the night for the next three months.

Graduation was four months from last Friday. Let the games begin, bitches.

The Blahs.

2008-01-17T09:47:00.000-08:00

Please tell me how I can live in the land of sun and fun and still feel so blah. I put up a good front, but everything behind it is slowly cracking. Everyone has their own problems, though - the world doesn't need to hear mine. Suffice it to say that life is pretty stressful right now, with no immediate end in sight.

Waiting to hear from the city isn't helping. I'd just like to know either way so I can move on - but bureaucracy doesn't move at my speed, unfortunately.

I want this job. So badly. And I think that I'm prepared to not get it, but I won't know for sure until it happens. I want to think that it'll just roll off of my back and I'll move on to the next application, but I'm afraid of failure. And I know it's not failure. I applied on a lark and got an interview, so really it's a success. Tell that to my perfectionist side. Please.

Everything is difficult right now. Even the things that used to be easy aren't anymore. And maybe that's what bothers me the most.

Blah.

Time to Go.

2008-01-14T08:44:00.000-08:00

I enjoy visiting my family.

I also enjoy going home. Four days is plenty.

It's cold and wet and depressing in Pennsylvania. I miss warmth, I miss my car, I miss my dog.

I might even miss my job.

I have no idea why people wonder why we left, or why we wouldn't come back. Visits in January just underscore the reasons that we live 3,000 miles away and come back once a year.

And boy is my mother-in-law a talker. I love her to death, though.

I love L.A.!

The Aftermath.

2008-01-11T13:08:00.000-08:00

After a long and uncomfortable flight overnight, an aborted landing, and a rainy drive into Reading, we're on the East Coast.

But that's not important - what is? My interview.

I have no idea how it went. Phone interviews are difficult, especially because you can't see reactions on your interviewers' faces when you're not face-to-face. But overall, I think I did fine - I had answers for all of the questions off the cuff, and the big thing?

The city now has THREE open positions instead of just one.

So I'll see what happens. Even if I don't get a second interview, I at least have the practice again - it's been seven years since I've had to do one, and I know that if I'm not offered a position, this is just the first of many.

But I feel good about it, whatever happens. I got this interview with no practical library experience and no degree. If I can do that, then there's no telling what is possible once I do get that piece of paper.

However...the waiting game sucks.

Looking Up, Indeed.

2008-01-10T11:24:00.000-08:00

I have a phone interview with the city of Pasadena for a librarian position tomorrow. It would be in-person if I weren't going to be in the Arctic wilds of eastern Pennsylvania for the weekend.

w00t!

They're Coming to Take Me Away

2008-01-10T09:31:00.001-08:00

Hahahaaaa.

Sometimes I have this laugh that I do, usually as a lark, that sounds like someone who is coming apart at the seams because the world has hurled its ugly self onto his shoulders and if he doesn't laugh he might curl up in a corner with a bottle and come out when he's homeless.

That laugh up there? It's for real.

As I am not one to cast my troubles into the blogosphere, suffice it to say that a big kink has been thrown into life this week. One that I have no time to worry about, as I have to get through this last semester and that's all I can deal with right now.

At least I'm not pregnant.

Everything will work out in the end and it'll all be fine and blah blah sunshine and smiles and unicorns coming from my ass.

Until then, I'm just charging along because if I don't, I'm going to end up in the corner singing love songs to a bottle. And I'll end up like this.

The good news? I've lost eight pounds in a week. Things are looking up.

No Matter How Hard I Try...

2008-01-07T10:28:00.000-08:00

I just don't like cottage cheese.

Period.

And I also don't like to eat parsley.

Today's morning snack is a big disappointment.

Yipe!

2008-01-02T11:13:00.000-08:00

That? Is the sound I made when I saw the due date of my e-portfolio.

April 21.

Then I think I whimpered a little and had a mild heart attack.

That is less than 15 weeks away. I have 16 competencies, a personal statement, and a career plan to complete, upload and have approved, and I can't start until the 23rd. So, for those of you keeping track at home, this means I have 12 weeks.

And? Everyone and their brother wants me to visit them in the next four months. I have no idea how every event in the world has ended up occurring in the spring of 2008, but I'm probably not terribly excited about other people's expectations that I can attend numerous out of town happenings, because really? I'll be lucky if I get my hair done after this month.

In the meantime, I'm trying to keep myself from hyperventilating.

Happy New Year, indeed.

A Year in Review.

2007-12-31T10:56:00.000-08:00

So long, 2007! I can't say I'm sorry to see you go...just as I predicted, life is pretty much the same.
But! Good things happened, so here's the highlight reel for the year.

January: XM! I still love it as much as ever.
February: My sister and family came to visit. Evidently that was also when I got my last piercing - how quickly one forgets. Also: I met SHAG!
March: I saw the Stardust implode. Looks like the rest of the month pretty much sucked.
April: Um...yeah. Phone calls from Morocco - that was the highlight.
May: 4.0! Yep. That was the only one. And an extended weekend in Desert Hot Springs.
June: HOT AIR BALLOONS! And the Police.
July: Sucked. But Morgan got a new job. That sucks.
August: I made it through summer session. It was a feat unto itself.
September: My outdoor sofa!
October: HAWAII. Best month of the year...one of these days I'll actually edit those pictures.
November: I think I had a birthday? I'm so funny.
December: I've had better months. But Christmas was fab-u-lous!

So, 2008? One of the most important years of my adult life. I'm charging towards May when that hood will be mine. After that? The sky is the limit, kittens.

And maybe it'll be me making phone calls from Morocco.

Today's Dose of Holiday Cheer...

2007-12-26T11:02:00.000-08:00

...brought to you by Benedryl. Thanks, Santa, for giving me a sinus infection for Christmas. The weird thing? I'm not the only one.

In the meantime, I got piles and piles of fun presents that will take me months to get through. I think I have to adopt a divide and conquer strategy to get the most out of them. Where to start? The pasta making attachments and Golden Girls DVDs.

And then? The book cataloging software. You'd better believe I got the scanner, too. Yes, I am a dork, thank you very much.

After that? I'm going hang gliding.

But for now, it's medicine and tissues and visions of PJs dancing in my head.

Full of Christmas Cheer...

2007-12-21T15:46:00.000-08:00

...which means - booze. I had a wicked hangover this morning, and had to drag myself out of bed and to work, with a stop on the way to collect my car. But! Since the weather was so miserable last night no one was out ticketing and I got off scott free...or it blew away in the wind.

This afternoon, I made mulled wine and cider in the office for the Christmas luncheon. A little hair of the dog, really - now I'm ready for a long winter's nap. I have my PJs in my car, even. Somehow, though, I felt funny putting them on even though I was told that I could.

It's no wonder everyone wants my job. I love it here.

So, tonight I'm going home, putting on those pajamas, and curling up on the couch with my favorite couch sharer...my dog. Who will lie on my feet and keep them warm while I stare blankly at the TV at whatever happens to be on.

Because it's my other half's turn to paint the town red. At least he never needs a ride home.

Tomorrow? I have to figure out what to make for Christmas Eve dinner. Besides meat. And buy presents for a party...one of my favorite parties of the year. Where I can drink this time, since I'm not battling my urinary system.

Life is good.

Finally!

2007-12-19T09:59:00.000-08:00

Birthday pictures are up on Flickr...proof that the princess has taken her rightful place in the annals of history.

That sucker, btw, was gross once I was really drunk. And I think it had hair on it the next morning when I found it in the car.

In other news, I mistakenly had Christmas presents sent to my office when I am not going to be there to receive them. Fortunately, it's just one thing and not an important thing at that.

Brilliant!

2007-12-18T14:39:00.000-08:00

The best thing about Christmas shipping is living in a city that has self-service kiosks that are open before the windows in the morning. Everything has been sent off and now I can sit around and write the Christmas cards that I purchased (shame). For years I've made my own, but this year I said hey! screw this!

Because I am a lazy, unmotivated person.

You would be too if you spent a week trying to pry information out of every vendor that worked on a project so you could get paid. I ended up driving about 50 miles to Ventura County to see one of them today, in the fog and drizzle with nothing but XM for company. Okay, the XM part doesn't sound so bad, I know. In the end, I am the hero of the day and it's one more reason that I will keep my job until I quit or die.

Yesterday I cut stickers for the company Christmas cards. All afternoon. Nothing like arts and crafts on a Monday afternoon.

I have done other things! Like visit LEED certified office buildings! I am a thrill a minute, I tell you.

I did go to the boat parade in Newport Beach though - maybe I can upload those pictures before next Christmas. I'm doing a bang up job on those 30th birthday ones - I'll be 31 before they get done.

I have to lie down now. With the bottle of Bombay Sapphire on my desk.

What I've Missed.

2007-12-12T16:27:00.000-08:00

Holy cow - I've forgotten what I used to do every day six months ago when my work and homework were done and I still had three hours to kill at the office.

If I don't remember, do I really miss it?