It's All Downhill From Here

You know the part where there were people I hadn't thought about in years? Sometimes they come out of the woodwork and make you wish you were completely anonymous and say that you were the reason they got into U2 and go on to pontificate about the merits of the current album when you really couldn't care less and were pretty sure you'd never have to see or hear from them again and then you realize that their high school experience was a lot different than you expected it had been even though you blatantly made fun of them they must have thought it was good-natured ribbing. And you never really even spoke to them when you were in school because you probably thought you were too cool but they don't remember that - but they do remember the weirdest little details of high school that you never even paid attention to at the time or anytime thereafter. And even though it's been 10 years they say they remember it like yesterday but you think of it as some kind of nightmare you finally escaped save the people you actually care about whom you stay in contact with and hope the rest never find you.

Sometimes they do, though. And it doesn't matter to you that they're an aerospace engineer - you could care less. You didn't even graduate from college and your life's goal is to be a librarian and you're insanely jealous of your girlfriend who's a children's librarian (who by the way isn't going to the reunion either) and even though you live in L.A. it doesn't mean you're any cooler than you were at 17 it just means you live somewhere different and you really don't think about it unless you have to go 3,000 miles to visit your family because no one comes West although you have no idea why because it's so much sunnier here. You have a regular 9 to 5 that isn't particularly glamorous but it is interesting and nothing like anyone else is doing even if you are just the office manager but you're more than that, you know, and involved in one of the more fun industries in the working world and it's not rocket science sure but you like it and everyone is very intrigued when you tell them about it and it's always good party conversation. But the class reunion isn't the kind of party you're looking for and neither are the ones your 'friends' throw because they're all boooring and you have to create your own fun but no one except your husband and brother play along because they're just as bored and intent on creating their own fun and drinking all the good beer before it's gone. And where is the reunion going to be anyway? A local bar, the state park, the Fireside Inn - at least you know it won't be at the Nickel Plate because you're pretty sure they went bankrupt and you should have bought that because there's nothing else to do in that town but drink and have babies you're pretty sure and you can do that here for a lot less money except for the babies part because you can't drink when you're pregnant or you shouldn't but that doesn't stop those intent on 'having a good time' regardless of their natal situation and you're not sure that even the right term but who cares it's your blog. You like your own parties in your own house except when your sister gets sick because she's trying to keep up with the boys which is impossible and we all know that and she always learns the tough lesson after trying to do so but that's okay you love her regardless and you accept it as a part of the festivities unlike the friend who gets drunk and fawns all over you and then you have to enlist every man to protect you from him which they gladly do and then you decide maybe it's not such a good idea to invite him to your parties because maybe he scares people off not that you care because you hate people anyway which is another reason to steer clear of that reunion.

Move on past high school, I says - we're all 10 years older and should have completely different lives where every once in a while a song or something triggers a memory of 'the good old days' but it's never at the front of your mind and you should have forgotten at least half of what happened if not more mainly because you drank away those brain cells in college and you probably really didn't like high school very much anyway but time makes it more romantic in your memory but your practical side knows it sucked hard and you'd never go back to that time because NOW is so much better and the more distance you get from it the more you're glad it was so long ago and why do you want to revisit it? Reunions just showcase everyone as they really are and not how you remember them which might be bad or good depending on the person and that might make the whole thing all the more depressing not that you have any romantic memories about anyone you graduated with because you knew exactly what everyone was like and if you didn't you found out soon after who your real friends were and they number about five.

So stay home and tip a 40 to the homies - there's so much less drama involved.

Selah.

I blame Kelly Abram. She did this.