Pluses and Minuses

Yes, I am alive. I spend a lot of my time thinking instead of writing these days.

One of the biggest pluses of having longevity with an organization is the confidence that people have in you. Having been with my company for six years, I can do most anything outside of actual design. And if I sat down long enough I probably could learn to draw.

Not really.

I spent a good deal of time in the last year working to get out of being a generalist, so that I could focus on the information side of our business. I've been able to put some things in motion and get stuff organized.

And we all know what's coming...the minus.

I will be back to functioning as a generalist in January because we have to lay off most of our contractors. For the first time, I'm REALLY upset. I've been through a lot of lay offs in every company I've worked for, and have closed more than one office. I'm a pretty pragmatic person, and just accept things for what they are and move on. I've always made it through as the generalist, and have said good-bye to a lot of great people. This time is no different, except that I don't want to be that person anymore. And I'm safe because of that fact - I know my company better than almost everyone and can step in to any role. Except that's the LAST thing I want to do.

But I have to keep my job. Now more than ever.

The biggest minus is that I know who's going. I hate knowing that, and knowing that some of it could have been prevented, but now that's neither here nor there. So I have to sit here and pretend that everything is okay, that I'm clueless, while people file out at the end of next week for what could be the last time.

And on the 5th of January, I'll come back to an empty office and figure out how to move forward when all I want to do is curl into a ball. I just hope January doesn't bring a move in my personal life, because I honestly don't know how much I have left.

Who needs a retirement fund anyway?