Days Go By

I don't like October. I'm not sure what it is, but this month makes me terribly sad, to the point that I'll cry uncontrollably in the corner for no reason. Last night I broke down in the car in a parking garage because we had gotten lost on the way to dinner and were late. But I pulled myself together and had a fine time whacking crabs with a hammer with our Korean clients.

Sometimes I don't want to pull myself together. I want to be able to fall apart, to be a mess, to lie in bed and watch Tabatha's Salon Takeover and get up when November arrives. Shut up. I only watched one episode when I was sick.

Nothing bad has ever happened to me in October - no one died, I never lost a job, no breakups, nothing. Last year I went to Hawaii in October, so really you'd think that I'd have fond memories of the month of pumpkins and candy and crunchy leaves. But no. As near as I can figure it's the change of seasons. I really hate waking up before dawn to go to work, and I just anticipate those days when it'll be dark before I get home. It just feels like someone is pushing down on my shoulders, shoving me down into the abyss of self-pity.

But I pull myself out of bed every morning at the same time, make myself presentable, and pretend that I'm fine for 10 hours until I can go home and pretend I'm fine so that no one worries, because God knows everyone around me has enough to worry about without having to tiptoe around my madness.

And really, I should be telling stories about the circus that is my office. Because DUDE - do I have stories.