But It Won't Get Me Down

What do you do when you feel like people resent the fact that you might aspire to greater things?

I had a conversation with a colleague the other night that is really bothering me. I made a passing comment that I was going to the ALA convention to meet with the libraries in LA county to see what they're up to in terms of emerging technologies and blah blah blahcakes informational interviews.

You'd have thought I said I was going to stay in Vegas and become a stripper.

She got all defensive and insinuated that it was all her doing that I'm in the position I'm in now and somehow I'm beholden to stay with the company for eternity. Number one, it had nothing to do with her. Number two, I didn't say I was walking out tomorrow to leave everyone hanging. I still have work to do here, and probably at least a year before I would feel comfortable in the knowledge that everything will function without my presence. Number three, everyone I work for is 25 years older than I - this means that they will retire long before my career is over.

But - when do you decide to walk away from it all?

Yes, I have a lot of opportunities in this industry as an information professional. But none of it has anything to do with what I truly want to do when I grow up. I'm not going to be the virtual librarian of themed entertainment, nor is a spot for an emerging technologies librarian going to appear with the TEA. It's just not going to happen.

I feel like my mission now is to set everything up to work without me, and I'm working toward that goal. It means hours of staring at keyword lists and subject headings and looking at software and explaining that no, you can't scan that at 72 dpi to save disk space. But it also means practical experience in an environment that I understand and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

And I don't know why I let it bother me so much. I don't owe anyone anything...I've given enough, and I don't feel like anyone owes me anything, either. I just want to do the best job I can while I'm here, and walk out when my dream job comes along.

I don't want to feel guilty about wanting that.