AVAST!

The pirate party was a smashing success. The price of the wall covering was worth it in hindsight. A good time was had by all, I believe, and there was no projectile vomiting on my property.

I'm not sure how we'll top it, but we have 300 days to figure that part out.

Now I need to nap until the high holidays of November.

Bad Halloween Music...

Lileks' Bleatcast this week has, quite possibly, the worst Halloween songs evar.

I so want to be his neighbor.

Another Book Done!

So I finished 'Julie and Julia' last night...instead of cleaning the house.

And I ate cookies.

So there.

BLARGH!

So the party preparations will magically finish themselves, right?

Because I've lost all motivation.

YARRRR!

Inbox Oddities

Sometimes you just have to read them:

I started having an affair with a younger, super-sexy co-worker about two months ago.

I was very nervous and had tremendous anxiety about going to bed with her.
Sure enough, the first time we tried I could not perform. I felt worthless
and could not believe that I blew an opportunity to be with a woman so
incredibly beautiful.

I decided to get some Vjaagra online (URL removed) and give it a try.

The next time we were together things were wonderfully different. My cock
was hard enough to cut through diamonds and I couldn't believe how full
and swollen it was. We had great sex that day and have continued to do so.

It is my little secret, but I want to share with other men that Vjaagra does work.

P.S. If you have a problem, try Vjaagra, it is great (URL removed)


Must be the Viagra of the Netherlands.

Monday, Monday, Monday!

And I'm in an unusually giddy mood.

Must be the drugs.

FRIDAY!

And I'm alone in the office with my new book...

Julie and Julia - 365 days, 524 recipes, 1 tiny apartment kitchen.

Sometimes I like to be alone.

Narcoleptic Dogs!

It was funny until the part where they push him in a stroller when he falls asleep on a walk.

But people act like this is a new thing - we watched a video of narcoleptic wiener dogs in college 10 years ago.

It still is, to this day, one of the funniest things I've ever watched.

We're off the Hook!

So, in a few months we will once again be...

UNCLE MORGAN & AUNT CORI

"?" you say.

Our soldier boy has a baby on the way.

And how we rejoiced. No more baby guilt from Mom and Dad.

Or so I think. We'll see at Thanksgiving.

But I have someone to buy baby things for now!!

Stupid Lileks!

Jerking me around with his trickle of re-written Joe Ohio stories.

I want that book NOW.

And his new one...

Next Tuesday cannot come soon enough.

Bum Wines

As a follow-up to my previous post...

Research is always important.

Planning Ahead

So while I'm awaiting a decision from San Jose on my admission to grad school, I've had to entertain the 'What if I Don't Get In?' scenario.

I feel it's important to always have a plan.

That said, here's my plan in the event I don't get into grad school.

Obviously, I'm going to be crushed. Thus begins a slow descent into destitution. Since I see no way out of answering the phone for the rest of my miserable life, I'm just going to give up. Since I have no respect for myself and doubt my abilities, Morgan will leave me. And everyone else will abandon me as well because I'll probably smell bad. This leaves me alone and jobless. So I figure I'll go live on skid row, and make gin in an old dirty bathtub as a means to support my Thunderbird habit.

The gin will give me dreams. Worse than the ones I have now because I'll think that they're real. So that means I'll actually BELIEVE I was in Tom Hanks' house.

This will make me 'Crazy Gin Lady'.

So now I have a nickname...which probably makes me someone in the hierarchy of Skid Row. But I haven't figured that part out yet.

And I will wear runny knee-hi's.

And THAT becomes the title of the book that will free me from my destitution...

"With Runs in My Knee-Hi's: My Time on Skid Row"


Welcome to my world.

Yay Oktoberfest!

It was lots of fun...even though it was about 20 degrees when the wind was blowing.

And it snowed yesterday morning.

*Shudder*

I was happy to come back down the mountain where it was warmer and I didn't need three layers of clothing to keep from shivering.

There's No Such Thing as Scotchtoberfest!

Which is why I'm going to Oktoberfest.

In Big Bear.

Where it's going to be 37 degrees tonight.

Winter clothes take up a lot more space in my bag than summer clothes.

I think I freeze solid at 40.

Ah, the 21st Century

What did we do before camera phones?

I'm long-distance costume shopping right now.

Oh My God Make it Stop!

My birth canal hurts just thinking about that.

Vaginal rejuvenation, anyone?

Keeping Myself Entertained

In a never-ending quest to keep myself entertained during what I'm going to call the 'off season' at work, I've decided to take up Sudoku. What can I say - I'm easily influenced by TV at 6am. I'll probably hate it and give up by noon.

But that's okay - I have the new Star, too. Nick allegedly kissed a 19-year-old and now his marriage MIGHT be in trouble!! It was a girl, if anyone is keeping track out there.

Would you believe me if I said I bought it for the big crossword puzzle in the back?

Yeah, me neither.

The Weekly World News has a MUCH bigger puzzle.

Hmmm...

I still need a Halloween costume.

In a minute I'm going in a burlap dress.

CRABBY.

That is all.

This is Halloween...

Or at least that's what my back room is saying right now. It's quickly filling up with various pieces of ephemera for our pirate hideaway.

Halloween is quickly getting out of hand, I have to say.

And there's some wench in a compromising position in that back room. I don't trust her.

So. Hungry.

Open face club sand wedge...

*Sigh*

Yes, it's true. my Maverick will soon belong to someone else.

Someone who will love it and cherish it and let me drive it once it's restored.

But not until they've paid for it.

And Oh Yeah...

I wore pretty shoes to the doctor's office.

My Annual Violation

Oh yes, today was my annual violation by my doctor, also known as the "Well Woman" visit.

Or, according to Morgan, my "pushy scrape."

That's totally what I'm calling it now.

Everything is there, intact.

Bored.

And not just bored.

FUCKING BORED.

I need a craft project. NOW.

And Lo...

It came to pass that Corinne finally completed her personal statement and sent it off to San Jose State.

Thus begins the time of waiting.

Also called the waiting game.


So, what if I don't get accepted?

Another Week Begins

And I left my book at home.

Now I don't know what to do all afternoon.