I've Got No Motivation

Hey! I can manage my way out of a paper bag.

Competency D = done.

Here's the thing, though, and I remember this occurring in every final semester I've ever had.

I just don't care.

Every day I have to force myself to write, or upload content, or send emails, or schedule web conferences. And I don't want to do it. At all. Maybe it would be better if that's all I had to do, but that pesky job thing gets in the way and I'm trapped in this office nine hours a day.

I could probably charge through my e-portfolio and be done in half the time we have to finish. Because wow - it's a whole lot easier than I imagined. I just don't feel like it. I'm tired and burned out and stressed and over people asking me about Second Life and I just want to take my ball and go home.

So there.

My First Plug.

"Shhh! Librarian-in-Training!" is a gripping edge-of-your-keyboard drama DON'T MISS IT!

-Gene George, Senior Staff Writer

What Made Me Laugh Out Loud Today?

Whoa. Whoa. Somebody needs to call Jim Henson's people and alert them to the fact that some of the bigger, dumber Muppets have come to life and are at large throughout the city. We'd better hope they saw this day coming.

Scroll down. It's worth it.

The Story So Far.

I've had some new visitors of late, so let me get you up to speed about all of these slightly nonsensical posts.

I am in my last semester of grad school at San Jose State University, getting my degree in Library and Information Science. My culminating project is creation of an e-portfolio covering the 14 competencies that the administration feels that we should be able to perform when we're done with the program.

I'm also currently neck-deep in Second Life with a group of new LIS students as part of a peer mentoring project team.

On top of all this? I work full-time in the themed entertainment industry, for The Hettema Group. Everyone wants my job. When I get my hood, or if the city of Pasadena ever grants me another interview, they can have it.

So yeah - I'm feeling a little under the gun. Can I do it? I don't have a choice.

Today, the countdown continues. One competency down, 13 to go. 11 1/2 weeks to finish.

Innumerable sleepless hours await.

Thanks for stopping by.

And...

Signed off!

I can now evaluate, query and design information retrieval systems.

HOLLA BITCHES!

Oh God.

I just turned in my first competency.

I'm shaking and I might throw up.

And So It Begins.

The race to April 21st is on. And maybe it's not as completely terrifying as I thought...don't get me wrong, I will still be up every night thinking about what project to apply to which competency, but I found out that I don't have to edit anything.

I don't have to edit. I know. I can't believe it either. I just throw it out there with an explanation of what it proves. Somehow I feel like that's cheating. But whatever.

My advisor has not had anyone fail. While this is reassuring, I've also been told that she works her students hard. I'm okay with that, mostly - if I'm going to spend weeks of my life assembling a portfolio, I'd like it to be worth something in the end.

But the sleepless nights are going to be difficult. They've already started and school doesn't begin until Wednesday...I have a feeling I'm going to be spending plenty of quality time with my sofa during the night for the next three months.

Graduation was four months from last Friday. Let the games begin, bitches.

The Blahs.

Please tell me how I can live in the land of sun and fun and still feel so blah. I put up a good front, but everything behind it is slowly cracking. Everyone has their own problems, though - the world doesn't need to hear mine. Suffice it to say that life is pretty stressful right now, with no immediate end in sight.

Waiting to hear from the city isn't helping. I'd just like to know either way so I can move on - but bureaucracy doesn't move at my speed, unfortunately.

I want this job. So badly. And I think that I'm prepared to not get it, but I won't know for sure until it happens. I want to think that it'll just roll off of my back and I'll move on to the next application, but I'm afraid of failure. And I know it's not failure. I applied on a lark and got an interview, so really it's a success. Tell that to my perfectionist side. Please.

Everything is difficult right now. Even the things that used to be easy aren't anymore. And maybe that's what bothers me the most.

Blah.

Time to Go.

I enjoy visiting my family.

I also enjoy going home. Four days is plenty.

It's cold and wet and depressing in Pennsylvania. I miss warmth, I miss my car, I miss my dog.

I might even miss my job.

I have no idea why people wonder why we left, or why we wouldn't come back. Visits in January just underscore the reasons that we live 3,000 miles away and come back once a year.

And boy is my mother-in-law a talker. I love her to death, though.

I love L.A.!

The Aftermath.

After a long and uncomfortable flight overnight, an aborted landing, and a rainy drive into Reading, we're on the East Coast.

But that's not important - what is? My interview.

I have no idea how it went. Phone interviews are difficult, especially because you can't see reactions on your interviewers' faces when you're not face-to-face. But overall, I think I did fine - I had answers for all of the questions off the cuff, and the big thing?

The city now has THREE open positions instead of just one.

So I'll see what happens. Even if I don't get a second interview, I at least have the practice again - it's been seven years since I've had to do one, and I know that if I'm not offered a position, this is just the first of many.

But I feel good about it, whatever happens. I got this interview with no practical library experience and no degree. If I can do that, then there's no telling what is possible once I do get that piece of paper.

However...the waiting game sucks.

Looking Up, Indeed.

I have a phone interview with the city of Pasadena for a librarian position tomorrow. It would be in-person if I weren't going to be in the Arctic wilds of eastern Pennsylvania for the weekend.

w00t!

They're Coming to Take Me Away

Hahahaaaa.

Sometimes I have this laugh that I do, usually as a lark, that sounds like someone who is coming apart at the seams because the world has hurled its ugly self onto his shoulders and if he doesn't laugh he might curl up in a corner with a bottle and come out when he's homeless.

That laugh up there? It's for real.

As I am not one to cast my troubles into the blogosphere, suffice it to say that a big kink has been thrown into life this week. One that I have no time to worry about, as I have to get through this last semester and that's all I can deal with right now.

At least I'm not pregnant.

Everything will work out in the end and it'll all be fine and blah blah sunshine and smiles and unicorns coming from my ass.

Until then, I'm just charging along because if I don't, I'm going to end up in the corner singing love songs to a bottle. And I'll end up like this.

The good news? I've lost eight pounds in a week. Things are looking up.

No Matter How Hard I Try...

I just don't like cottage cheese.

Period.

And I also don't like to eat parsley.

Today's morning snack is a big disappointment.

Yipe!

That? Is the sound I made when I saw the due date of my e-portfolio.

April 21.

Then I think I whimpered a little and had a mild heart attack.

That is less than 15 weeks away. I have 16 competencies, a personal statement, and a career plan to complete, upload and have approved, and I can't start until the 23rd. So, for those of you keeping track at home, this means I have 12 weeks.

And? Everyone and their brother wants me to visit them in the next four months. I have no idea how every event in the world has ended up occurring in the spring of 2008, but I'm probably not terribly excited about other people's expectations that I can attend numerous out of town happenings, because really? I'll be lucky if I get my hair done after this month.

In the meantime, I'm trying to keep myself from hyperventilating.

Happy New Year, indeed.