The Waiting Game

This is what my entire life has come down to - waiting. Waiting for myself, waiting for my other half, waiting waiting waiting.

And you know what? THE WAITING GAME SUCKS.

I have applied to be a "Research Librarian for Emerging Technologies and Service Innovation" at UC Irvine. Now I get to wait to not hear anything from them, as they are starting the review process on Oct. 6th. It is really the job I see myself in ultimately, but somehow I think it's not going to happen right out of the gate. I could be wrong, but I'm certainly not getting my hopes up.

In the meantime, my other half had a second interview on Friday and left with no impression either way...but again, he has to wait to hear back from them, which may be this week or next week, who knows? I understand that's how it goes in our industry, but it's frustrating.

But! I do have good things to say! Polish festival was lots of fun, I got to hold the tiniest baby EVAR, and a good time was had by all.

Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos.

An Honorary Pole

Hmm. That sounds dirty. Anyway, this afternoon I'm off to lovely Portland, Oregon for the annual Polish festival! No, I am not the least bit Polish - but the people I'm going with are...one is a Polish immigrant and the other is half Polish. I figure they make up for my Western European descent. Or whatever I am...I just tell people I'm American since my family has been here for so long. But I can do the birdie polka with the best of them, I love kielbasa and pierogies, and I can definitely drink, so I think I'll be okay.

And, if I believed in any of that planetary alignment/universe stuff, I'd say that something has re-aligned itself, evidenced by the fact that things are starting to resolve. My other half has a second interview tomorrow, and judging from what I've heard about the caliber of applicant, he has a very good chance of getting an offer. But I'm not telling him that. So, fingers and toes crossed that we'll actually have a reason to drink that bottle of Cristal in the fridge soon.

Oh yes, I have a bottle of Cristal. I'm gangsta like that. But not like this. (Project Runway spoiler in the link)

GAH. Last night? Total travesty.

And now? Time to do something resembling work until early this afternoon. Pictures Monday!!

On Wasting Time

I've been at work three hours and I'm pretty sure I've done 10 minutes' worth of work. I've been productive in other ways, like changing a plane reservation, talking to my bank about my mysteriously absent direct deposit from last month (thanks, company for whom I contract, for not actually DEPOSITING the money), sending nasty emails to said company, updating my GoodReads account since people might actually want to look at my list someday, and working on a cover letter.

None of this is work-related, obviously. It seems that several of us in the office are suffering from lack of motivation and the distinct desire to stay in bed every morning. Today I forced myself out of bed on time because I knew if I didn't I'd probably stay there until 8:00. We've also come to the conclusion that life is hard right now. All the way around, it's hard. And we all have our own issues that have to stay out of the office or we'd all just fall into a drunken heap.

We're in the business of fun! Really! FUN!

And now I have to get back to document standards, or we won't be able to find our FUN!

Oh Come ON.

Just when you think it all might be over, the waiting game starts.

GAH.

Context? My other half had a great interview with our newest competitor on Friday. "Great!" they said, "you'll hear from us on Monday!" It's Tuesday. Nothing. My co-worker and I realized that they're probably waiting for a contract to get signed...but I'm tired of waiting, and he's a wreck. We're pretty sure he's got a fighting chance, as the general manager at my office called and chatted him up ahead of his interview since the senior project coordinator over there worked for us last year.

Yes, themed entertainment IS the most incestuous industry of all. Worse than entertainment in general.

Anyway, we all know he's a perfect fit but the question is how long it's going to take. And time is the one thing we don't have much of anymore. Grrr.

In the meantime, I'm jealous of the fancy dress showdown in Boston this week. I really think we need one in my office.

The Revolving Door

I've been at this job for six years. I'm used to people coming and going, because we are a project-based company that employs people as independent contractors. I am one of four employees right now - last week one got fired, and this week one quit.

Actually, two people quit this week. And people are all whispering in hushed tones about it, because oh noes! People are leaving, what's wrong with the company?

I just sit back and shrug my shoulders. I watch this happen all the time, so I'm pretty used to it. When people get fired or leave of their own volition, it's no big deal. What sucks is when a project tanks and you have to watch all of those people file out. Fortunately, that's only happened once (knock on wood).

What gets me is the shit that people talk about the company. Shit that worries people and makes them leave, too. So thanks, people that are quitting - thanks for leaving the rest of us to assure those you've told stories to that yes, it's fine, you're still here, right? I'm sorry that you feel as though you should be begged to stay and be given undeserved promotions and giant sacks of money. We're not in the business of stroking egos.

While I may not be at my happiest right now, I don't talk shit about the company. We're not making a lot of money, but we ARE turning a profit. We have work, and more is coming in all the time. And it bothers me that people listen to what two disgruntled employees are saying instead of going to management and asking for it straight - this is the most open-door company I've ever worked for, and they're happy to let us all know what's happening.

And look at me - I've been here SIX. YEARS. If I thought we were going under soon, I'd already be out. Am I unsure sometimes? Yes. Do I have faith that the right decisions will be made? I hope so. And when it comes time for me to leave, whether I walk out in the middle of the busiest year ever or I lock the doors for the last time, I won't talk shit. Because this is the most incestuous industry in Los Angeles and you never know who is going to give you your next job.

These Days

I really wanted to go right back to bed this morning. I wish I were one of those people who just says, "Screw it - I'm staying home today" whenever they don't feel like going to work. At one point in my life I think I did that, actually - then I guess I grew up and decided I needed to drag my butt to work whether I wanted to or not. Most days I'm not sorry that I do, and hopefully today will be one of those days.

My life really isn't all doom and gloom. While I might be suffering from ennui and frustration over my current career status and the chaotic lameness in which I work, things outside those four walls are pretty okay. I mean, we're kinda broke and my other half is about five minutes from the temp agency, but our bills are paid and we eat well and we're way further ahead than most of the world. I know people who are absolutely stuck in their circumstances with no way out and when I look at them I realize that I really have nothing to complain about, because I always have an out. It might not be ideal, but I have somewhere to go and I still have a good job that I could commute to if needed.

Sometimes, though, it feels good to complain for a minute.

I guess that's why I drag myself into work five days a week, work more than I need to, and try to help everyone else along the way. Because it could've been me on the chopping block on Friday.

And then I'd REALLY have to complain.

On to fun things! My dog came with me to work on Friday and she was a big hit. I think she snowed everyone with her glowing personality, and the fact that she didn't eat pencils. She has been invited back, so she's ahead of one of the other dogs who can't come to work anymore.

Saturday I visited a friend's mom - his 85-year-old Polish mother who likes to have shots with me, and then mixes her Polish and Spanish together into a very entertaining mash-up of languages.

And yesterday? I had a three-hour brunch. I almost had to lie down in the middle of it because holy crap I had a lot of champagne. Then I went home and slept all afternoon and finally was aware enough to go pick up my other half at the airport last night, much to the dog's delight.

Up next - birthday parties and company picnics and the Portland Polish Festival.

Things might be okay.

A Day Like Any Other...

So my days are all starting to melt together in a gooey pile. I get up at 5:30, get to the office at 7, stay until 5, go home, cook dinner, and fall asleep on the outdoor sofa - maybe I read a little until my eyes cross, and on Wednesdays I watch Project Runway.

Where's the excitement that was supposed to come after I got my degree? I was going to do things! Travel! Read piles of books! Exercise!

Four months later I've been as far as Portland, read two books, and worked out one day - and that was yesterday because I want to lose five pounds before I go back to Portland in two weeks.

Watch out - I'm a dynamo.

I wonder if it's partly a knee-jerk reaction from having to always be on the go while I was in school - at least it's something on which to blame my complete lack of ambition. Of course, being on a budget puts a kink in the travel, as does the fact that I actually DO have to go to work five days a week most of the time.

And work is a whole other ball of wax. Never in my professional career have I been so over a workplace. I have completely checked out, and yet I'm still here 10 hours a day most of the week. I work until three and then I futz around for the last two hours. I'd be better if I actually had the tools I needed to get started on my big projects - three databases, including, at long last, an image database. Maybe it'll get done before I quit, maybe not. I don't care today.

Sigh.

Down the Rabbit Hole

Indeed I still do have a blog. I also have 10-hour workdays and suddenly I have someone to boss around, too. This is a blessing and a curse, as I can be pretty scattered and now I have to come up with things for someone else to do in addition to remembering what I have to do. I am also the most hands-off manager you'll ever meet, so I can only work with self-motivators.

This is why I'll never be a library director.

And I'm supposed to be obtaining a karaoke system for my company picnic but instead I'm trying to figure out code.

In the meantime, I'm flying absolutely blind in an office full of people doing the same. We'll either make it or crash spectacularly, and I honestly probably don't care either way any more. After six years I think I'm really coming to the end of my rope, and maybe it isn't the most convenient time to make this decision but I'm pretty sure that the time has come to make a graceful exit before I just walk out from sheer frustration.

Of course I say this now, but in six months I'll still be at this desk because my dream job hasn't called me yet. It wouldn't as big an issue if I could actually get myself into a position where I can do what I WANT to do, not what needs to be done at any given moment for some project and that no one else is around to do.

Ah, the eternal 'grass is greener' belief.

In the meantime, I'm just trying to keep myself together so I don't turn into a heap on the floor who dreads waking up every morning.

It may take a lot more booze.